When Jared and I were in school and didn't have two nickels to rub together, we always managed to cobble together the annual theater subscription fee with tax returns, other refunds, and sometimes our Christmas or birthday money. Thus, no one sitting around me in the high class seating knew that I was a Ramen noodle and scrambled egg theater aficionado. I literally didn't have money for much of anything else! For many years it was my special date night with Jared. We'd leave our crappy kids behind with a baby sitter and some frozen pizza, and off we'd tromp to the theater, eating beforehand at a really high class restaurant like Crown Burger. When things were a little looser right before we graduated and left for Idaho for my first job, we decided to add a third seat so that we could take one of the girls to our shows and teach them how to be snobbish and uppity. We began to let the girls choose the restaurant prior to the show and I have enjoyed watching their palates become more refined and pricey through the years. I essentially have 5 theater and restaurant minions running around and it gives me joy.
This last week it was Bub's turn to see "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" at the Boston Opera House. She of course was excited and couldn't wait to go. I took her restaurant choice away from her because I was tired of eating at Chinatown 20 million times a year. We tried an Italian place one of my partners suggested. It was essentially a glorified Olive Garden, but that's the beauty of Boston, there's a million restaurants to try so I am sure next trip we can find another place that suits our fancy a little better. Here's Bubba posing for me:
I may be a theater snob, but I have the weakest old lady bladder known to man, so Jared, Bub, and I decided to take a pit stop before the show got started. Since I maintain the highest standards of dignity, I took the opportunity to send my friends Kareena and Sarah a selfie:
In case you can't tell, that's me sitting on the toilet. I didn't want to get behind on the peeing pictures I send to that particular trashy group and thought I'd use my theater tastes to elevate the quality of the content. I'm sure they appreciated my class given the lively discussion we had by text after. I was sure that with all the high class dawdling Bub and I did taking selfies in the John, that Jared would be waiting for me in the lobby. When I didn't see him, I was a little worried I had missed him somewhere. Since I still had his ticket and he couldn't claim his seat without it, I sent a very respectful text to ask if he was still in the bathroom. Just to show how refined my theater attendance has made me, I would like to offer a screenshot for your perusal. Individuals who do not have the funds to attend the theater are often more crass and perverted than I am. Just marvel at what a high class lady I am...
The show wasn't my favorite, but it was cute and Bub had a good time. Plus, Jared got a primo parking place right at the exit and could not stop pointing out how fantastic he was for spotting said spot.
I'd like to deride Jared for his boastful parking. I'd like to say that high class theater folks DO NOT brag about what a great parking spot they find. Nor do they continue to point it out OVER AND OVER again once they get back to their car, consistently mentioning how quickly they got their friends out of the parking garage after the show. However, I've been sitting next to Jared for over 20 years in expensive theater seats and know he's been attending regularly. I guess the only excuse I have for his shameful behavior is that he's riding on my coattails and for some reason has not allowed the theater experience to adequately wipe out some of his more trashy qualities.
On the way home, we gobbled up the treats we had purchased at Phillip's Candy House on our way into Boston. I've seen this place on the side of the road a dozen times and finally stopped. How was it? Fantastic! We bought Bub some chocolate covered gummy bears and bought a pound of assorted treats for ourselves. I had mentioned to Hannah earlier in the evening that I would bring her some. However, as the night wore on, I no longer wanted to share my bounty. That's the thing about us refined theater goers - we often back out of promises and commitments, especially if chocolate is involved. I sent the following message to Hannah:
Unfortunately, she's a long time theater snob too and you just can't walk over another snob as easily as you would a regular cheap seats person... unless of course you are married to me, and then I can do what I want with you... Just read the parking paragraph if you doubt me... Anyhoo, after much discussion with my car companions, we brought Hannah only a few pieces of our booty (it was exactly two) and inhaled the rest ourselves. I'm sure you'd like to pass some judgement about how piggish and rude I am. However, I am a theater snob and therefore everything I do is high class... I'm sure there are plenty of folks that can back me up on this, but I'll have to get back to you about whom you should interview on the subject. February is School of Rock and we will be taking Emma. Now I just have to figure how to get into Phillip's without her seeing me so that I don't have to share my high quality theater treats again...
No comments:
Post a Comment