I Miss You Reed's Dairy...

Today was only the second time since my arrival to the Ocean State that I considered tucking my tail between my legs and running home to the Gem State.  What happened?  This:

I've heard for the last month how great the ice cream at Three Sisters cafe in Providence is.  In fact, several folks have said that it has, "the best ice cream!"  Given that I come from Idaho Falls, I believe I am an ice cream expert because of my proximity to Reed's Dairy.  Reed's Dairy is in a class all its own.  Even if you remove the homemade waffle cones they make on site and their chocolate milk and seasonal egg nog from the equation, I have NEVER found ice cream that matches Reed's.  I won't say that the Three Sisters has terrible ice cream, but it just isn't Reed's.  I called my mom in a panic to tell her we had a situation in Rhode Island regarding the availability of quality ice cream.  She talked me down from my ledge and reminded me that before I did anything rash, I should think about all the other Rhode Island experiences that I have loved so far. 

She's right!  I've been exploring all over this state so that I can find special things to show my lover and babies, and there is lots to love!  In fact, I went back to Newport today to check out the cliff walk.  Beautiful ocean on one side of the trail, and giant mansions on the other!  Best of all, look what I did while I walked:

Yep, I picked up litter on my way.  My children HATE that I pick up litter, but I HATE litter and litterbugs!  It impedes my ability to enjoy my surroundings when idiots screw up mother earth!  I even hauled out a bag of dog crap and a beer can I found at Goddard Memorial Park this week.  My kids would have been mortified but I'm seriously committed to my cause!  I can't wait until my demons arrive and I can make them pick up trash from the beaches before I'll buy them substandard ice cream from the local ice cream shops when we are out enjoying nature! 

I miss you Reed's Dairy.  In fact, I miss all of Idaho!  I miss the mountains, I miss the non-existent traffic, I miss the rivers, the stars, and the family I left in the borders of the Gem State.  However, don't get excited Idaho.  I'm not headed home just yet because check out just a sampling of what I saw this week:

This last pic is a pile of dog poop that someone let their animal leave in the middle of a trail I was exploring.  It pissed me off and I'm going to start carrying poop bags so I can continue to beautify my surroundings.  My kids are going to be so excited!  Especially after they taste the ice cream!

Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor...

I left home three weeks ago and in that time, I have logged nearly 5,000 miles of driving time.  I have enjoyed my new home thoroughly and wish only that my family will be able to join me soon.  Seeing as how I'm only about 3 hours away from the Statue of Liberty, I decided to hop in the car today and give her a little visit.  When I saw Lady Liberty up close for the first time, it was about 11 years ago, and they were only allowing you to look up her skirts from the pedestal.  This time, I was able to purchase a ticket to go into her crown and I was stoked!

Although it was quite a rainy day at the start of my journey, the weather cooperated by about noon and as such, 2 million other idiots had the same travel plans I did!  If you think I'm mistaken about the number of folks on the rock with me, you may be right; it was probably closer to 3 million!  Even though I struggle with crowds sometimes, I do appreciate the wonderful opportunity for people watching that masses afford me.  My first treat?  Watching a 2 year old poop her drawers while I waited to catch the first ferry to Ellis Island.  She had interesting form in that she spread her legs, stood on her tiptoes, and squatted into the dump.  I've had five babies and I'm an expert on bowel movements.  Her mother, however, seemed genuinely shocked that there was poop in her kid's pants.  I wanted to tell her I thought she was an amateur and should hand that cute baby over to someone who would love her properly.  Then I remembered that rotten kid had poop in her pants so I held my tongue.

My next treat happened once I headed over to Liberty Island.  There happened to be this gorgeous shirt with a black hole on it.  Check it:

The black hole was being worn by a dude and that dude had a buddy.  The buddy sat next to me and then told the dude with the shirt to stand since he got the last seat first.  I slid over so mister black hole could squeeze in next to me.  I don't know what his buddy's problem was, but he obviously didn't appreciate the shirt.  What does a person look like that would be walking around in a black hole shirt?

Yep.  That's exactly what I expected him to look like too.

Finally I got to climb up Lady Liberty's skirts.  She's quite a gal and even though I've only seen her twice, I can't imagine that she would ever get old for me.  What a sight!

Just to prove I made it up and back down the slightly hair raising staircase to the crown, here I am out of breath at the top:

And me looking down on a few of the 2 million idiots below me:

And finally, my view out of the crown.  Beauty!

We won't talk about the freak out I had on the way home when the first 15 miles of my journey took 2 hours because of traffic and how my lover had to calm me down and how I further freaked when I found out the George Washington Bridge costs 15 bucks to cross...  Let's just say I married above me and that my first 5,000 miles away from home have been pretty great!

Food, Glorious Food

This week has been filled with delightful delicacies that have filled my belly and warmed my soul.  I've been wanting to try a Hot Weenie since I landed here in Rhode Island and I was finally able to make it happen on Monday.  What's a Hot Weenie?  I know my mind initially had dirty thoughts about my spouse when I first heard of it, but it turns out it's just Little Rhodie's version of a chili dog.  Its dirt cheap fare that you can find quite easily, and if you ask for it "all the way," it means a veal weenie with meat sauce, mustard, onions, celery salt, and a side of vinegar.  The verdict?  Tasty!

I then tried Del's which is a frozen lemonade that you can also find EVERYWHERE in Rhode Island once the weather warms up.  I chose the cherry flavor and here I am trying it. 

The verdict?  Eh...  Just ok.  I kind of felt like I was raped since it was $2.40 for a 12 ounce cup that is a slightly thicker consistency than a Slurpee, but considerably more expensive, for a helluva lot less.  I can see why it would be really popular given the large number of beaches around here and the paucity of 7-11s.  Del's has your number Rhode Islanders, but since I'm a transplant and a tightwad, I can't see myself ordering this treat very often.

Another wonderful discovery I made this week?  Bagel shops.  I used to always have fresh bagels on hand when we lived in Salt Lake, but Idaho Falls doesn't have a bagel shop.  My kids always beg for them from the grocery store, but it just isn't the same, trust me on this one.  Here I am munching an everything bagel with house made veggie cream cheese.  DELICOUS:

Best treat of all this week?  Mussels.  Fresh mussels right from Cape Cod Mass!

I brought these babies home with some white wine and had myself a feast that I will repeat on Sunday with the second pound I bought.  Thank goodness I prepared them properly because these mussels were so fresh, they tasted like the ocean and were like little pillows of butter on the half shell.  I also used a half of another bagel I had purchased earlier to mop up some of my butter and wine sauce.  DIVINE!  I definitely couldn't find those buggers in Idaho Falls as fresh as I did today, if I could find them at all, which most of the time, I couldn't.

It's only been about 2.5 weeks since I arrived,  but I am loving you more and more every day Rhode Island.  Keep the food experiences coming and I'll be your loyal fan for a lifetime.

Milestones

This week has been a huge week of milestones.  I started work on Wednesday and boy that was big!  I remembered how to be a midwife when I got here, but now I have to learn a huge, confusing medical record system.  I marked my milestone by noticing that my name had been added to the directory on the first floor...

As well as outside the midwife office...

I'd like to thank my sweet lover for the last name cause I'm second in line!  I'm trying to ignore the fact that if I'd kept my last name like a true feminist, I'd be number one!

I also hit a major milestone when I drove home from my fountain Dr Pepper site without my GPS yesterday.  I still can't quite make it to work and back without direction, but I think I might be able to GET to my Diet Dr Pepper next time without help.  This is huge progress for me!

Know who else hit some major milestones this week?

Bubba has.  Apparantly she has been sleeping without diapers and waking up dry.  Way to go Bubba!  Know what else Bubba told me during this FaceTime conversation?  She proudly said, "Momma, I stopped eating my boogers!" After some congratulations she volunteered, "and I've been keeping my hands out of my crotch!"  Milestones.  You gotta love them!

Playing Nice in the Sandbox

I have many off-putting character flaws which under normal circumstances, would limit the amount of human contact I'd be able to enjoy.  Thankfully, my mommy taught me how to bake cookies.  I have used my cookies to purchase loyalty and kindness from others, thus overcoming my glaring character flaws.  Knowing the purchasing power of my baked goods, I brought my cookie making supplies to Rhode Island in the hopes of winning a new cadre of followers here.

Despite my many years of expertise, I worried about whether I could bake a proper cookie at a lower altitude.  I also wondered if the hand mixer I purchased might handicap me in a way that my wonderful Kitchenaid stand mixer would not.  Given that I start my new job tomorrow, I decided it was now or never to put the fears to bed.  I do indeed miss my Kitchenaid, but check it out:

Turns out that I am unfettered by location and substandard materials.  I am a cookie goddess!  I took a few cookies to the possible murderer/rapist on the first floor.  I'm hoping if he's planning some act of violence, that the delicious sweets I can whip up might cause him to rethink his strategy.  I'm outta here in 6 months or less buddy!  Save the rape for the next unsuspecting tenant!  

After getting my morsels wrapped up for tomorrow, I tasted one myself.  The verdict?  DELICOUS!

Time to make some new friends!

I'm not in Idaho Anymore Toto...

These last few days have been filled with new reminders that I am not in Idaho anymore.  The first happened when I went to church yesterday.  My church group meets not in a good old fashioned church house, but on the second floor of an office building downtown.  Once I got adjusted to that idea, I suddenly realized that nearly everyone in the building had a different ethnicity than I.  Turns out that most of them are Liberian refuges to be exact.  I just came from one of the most vanilla places on this planet and am now surrounded by all the chocolate I can handle!  Lest you think this was a negative experience for me, it was not.  I thoroughly enjoyed the eye-popping colors of the dresses the women wore, everyone's unique accent, and how they hugged everyone every chance they got.  I don't know if this is the group I will stay with since it depends on where we end up buying a house, but I certainly would not be disappointed if I did. 

 My second reminder happened all day after church.  Turns out one week exactly after leaving home was the point that I was bombarded with a homesickness wave.  I explored Newport, RI which is filled with gorgeous mansions and lovely beaches which don't exist in Idaho Falls...

but the distraction didn't help much.  I was especially bummed because Jared met up with his sister and brother in Bear Lake, Idaho which as you know, is one of my favorite places on earth.  I saw the pics of their trip, but it just made me sad. 

I eventually got this pic from my lover:

He sent it in response to some scandalous texts and/or pics that I may have sent to him from the bathtub.  Either way, I'm not in Idaho anymore, but his body is, and that bums me out.

I actually was having a pretty good day when I saw this view from a walking path I took today.  I definitely didn't have a view of the ocean in Idaho Falls, though the green belt is darn nice...

However, my positive feelings about not being in Idaho changed again when I stopped to check out the mall in downtown Providence and could not find my car.  That stupid parking garage is HUGE and I am so directionally challenged that I could not remember what floor I was on, even though I had tried to commit it to memory by saying it under my breath 10 times.  After texting my hubby in a panic as if I thought he could help me from so far away, I finally started at the bottom of the garage and pushed the button on my electric key on each level until my horn beeped and let me know I had arrived.  Lucky for me, I scared the crap outta some lady walking by my car when it honked and so everyone noticed the jumping lunatic in the parking garage instead of this idiot who lost the car in the first place!  I can never find my car when I park someplace in Idaho Falls either, but the parking lots are so small there, that it can't hide forever from me!

Don't worry everyone.  I'm good.  The people here have been so nice, the scenery is beautiful, and I'm getting the feel of the city better and better every day.  I just need the fat man to sell my house and move my babies to me so that the most important people I know won't be in Idaho anymore either!

One if by Land, Two if by Sea...

Since I have a notoriously bad sense of direction and am planning on flying home soon from the Boston airport, I decided that I should make a trial run on the train from Providence to Boston to make sure that I could make my flight on time.  

Given that I don't want to pay for parking while I'm gone, I had to use both a bus and a commuter rail to fully test my route.  The first thing I noticed today, is that the folks who use the bus tend to be expressive and loud African Americans and Hispanics, while folks that use the commuter trains are predominately white or Asian individuals who play with their phones and don't hardly make a peep. Both groups were wonderful to watch and they kept my attention for the 2 hours it took me to make each leg of my journey.

I've never been to Boston before but it's a beautiful city!  My brother in law wanted me to take a selfie with somebody in colonial dress.  I thought, "yeah right!  Like that's going to happen on a Friday afternoon!"  My western ignorance shone again because they were everywhere!  Check it out:

Once I landed, I decided to walk the Freedom Trail and got to check out the North Church where Paul Revere set his signal lanterns regarding the location of the British troops:

 

My dad happened to text me as I was standing in my tour of the North Church.  When he found out where I was, he lectured me for 10 minutes about how silly I was to be nervous for my move and how lucky I am to have this opportunity.  I get it dad!  It's lovely here!  And I do feel lucky!  Check out this view of the Boston harbor:

I then walked to the site of the Battle of Bunker Hill and could see a monument in the distance.  For a second I thought, "holy crap!  I can see the Washington Monument from here!"  Then I remembered what a directional idiot I was and that I was WAY too far away to be able to see DC.  It ended up being the very thing I was walking towards:  the Bunker Hill Monument...

I walked the 294 steps to the top which made my thighs wobbly for the rest of the day but it was worth it!  What a beautiful view!

Since I didn't want to get too skinny from all the exploring I did today, I found a delicious pastry shop which gave my lover a food boner when he saw my pic.  Yes, a food boner is totally real and this shop gave me one too!

I'm home now and feeling pretty good about how awesome it is that I'm brave enough to explore New England alone!  I'm also pretty stoked that I'm going to feel totally comfortable getting to Boston again when it's time to fly home for a visit.  Come to think of it, I'm also pretty excited to teach my lover and babies how to ride the T...

Ignorance is NOT Bliss...

I don't know what is wrong with Rhode Island, but I am struggling to find fountain sodas around and if I do, they do not have Diet Dr. Pepper on tap!  I finally dropped my standards and poured a fountain Coke Zero today.  It was better than nothing and best of all, it was only 95 cents.  I have not given up on finding fountain Diet Dr. Pepper in this town and the lucky barkeep that has it will win my loyalty through the ages.  Look how happy I am:

First fountain drink was not my only milestone today.  One of my partners also purchased me a Rhode Island staple called strip pizza.  It's essentially focaccia with pizza sauce and no cheese.  My verdict?  Tasty, but I don't know that it will be something I will crave.  Sorry to any Rhode Islanders out there, but I have a lifetime of proof that cheese belongs on anything called "pizza."  Here I am both before and after my first strip pizza:

As long as I was out trying things for the first time, I decided it was high time to find myself a lobster roll.  Today was chilly but beautifully sunny, so I decided my first trip to Cape Cod was warranted.  As I pulled into the little towns that line the Cape, I was aware that my ignorance as a westerner was glaring since every lobster stand had signs that read, "See you next season!"  and "See you April 15th!"  One even had the audacity to invite me back on May first.  News Flash New England:  In Idaho we're pretty famous for one major commodity - potatoes.  I know you've heard of us because I see the Idaho potato bags in every grocery store I've been in over here.  If someone has the blessing to step foot inside our state, we are ready to provide spuds to all.  You want them mashed?  Done.  You want them boiled?  Also done.  You want them fried, roasted, or dehydrated?  Done, done, and done.  We would NEVER put up a sign that says "see you next season," or "See you in May!"  In fact, drive through Blackfoot, Idaho and they give out free taters for out of staters!

I decided if I couldn't get me some lobster because I'm an ignorant dork, then I wanted to see the water on one of the Cape Cod beaches.  Let's just say my raging hunger/anger was assuaged when I saw the view.  I stopped at Indianneck beach which was lovely and deserted because it was the off season.  I stayed just until I started obsessing about getting sand in my shoes and/or intimate cracks.  Check it:

Because I had no lobster roll in my belly, I decided to find me some Bahn Mi since I cannot get it in Idaho Falls.  I looked for the skankiest place I could find.  It had several things going for it:

• Ethnic individual working the register who spoke poor English
• No other whites inside
• Two nefarious looking individuals lurking outside
• I felt so afraid for my safety that I kept looking out the window to see if my car had been stolen while I waited for my food

As expected, it was delicious.  Only downside was they didn't have the same yummy coconut drink I had at another near-death Bahn Mi experience in Oakland, California.

Fine New England.  We can be friends again.  I'll forgive you for the lobster roll debacle but I really would like to lodge a complaint with the tourism department about the false tales of lobster everywhere.  Maybe I'll calm down in May when I'm hoping the lobster will be so plentiful that several will follow me home like stray dogs do in Idaho...

The Exodus - The Landing

Today's drive was only 8 hours, which was lucky, since I slept in til 10 from pure exhaustion.  I did find out today that Massachusetts drivers are idiots.  They are what 2F drivers are to people in Madison County, and what 1J drivers are to everyone else in the state of Idaho.  Unfortunately, they are my neighbors, so I'm sure I'll see a lot of them!

I'm officially in Rhode Island and as soon as I crossed the border, "Happy," by Pharell Williams came on the radio.  I'm trying to take that as a good omen, especially because I'm happy I'll see less Massachusetts drivers while in RI.

When I drove into the city of Providence, I thought, "oh shit!  I've gnawed off more than I can chew!"  I didn't feel much better when I drove by the hospital campus because it's huge!  In fact they have a separate hospital for moms and babies, one for kiddos, and at least 2 for adults.  Absolutely mind boggling to me.  Here I am on a side street after checking out the hospital campus:

I met the landlady, Gail and was so relieved that the apartment was not only legit, but rather nice.  Her son downstairs doesn't look like a rapist or a murderer.  Plus, both of them are so thin, I made strategic mental notes about how to beat the crap out of them if the need arose. 

I was feeling pretty good about the situation until I went upstairs and noticed what she had taped on my door.  Look at the middle note:

How am I supposed to protect myself from murderers and/or rapists if I can't put anything in front of the door!  I then reminded myself that Gail and her son are too skinny to be murderers, so odds are pretty good I'll survive for a while.  I have worried that someone who has stayed here before me might have made a copy of the keys so they could come back and violate someone tasty like me, but it just freaks me out, so I'm trying to think of something else.

After unpacking, I tried on some goggles my friend Alyssa gave me for the beach...

As I stood there taking my selfie, I thought it would be nice to get kinky with my lover since there's a huge mirror by the bed.  However, I remembered he's a damn prude, so even if he was here, he'd probably cover it up with a blanket or something.

All told, not a bad 2500 mile trip and I'm trying to remain upbeat about my adventure.  To all my friends in Idaho, please drive by my house occasionally to see if it's still standing.  If you notice my kids or lover around town, hug them for me.  And seriously, can someone come visit?  I have a lovely second bedroom for you...

The Exodus - Day Two

I'm now 1800 miles away from Idaho Falls in Erie, PA and I feel like a real dumbass for trying to make Rhode Island in two and a half days!  My morning started with near catastrophe when I realized I had left the bear suit in my hotel room.  Luckily, I remembered right quick and got it nestled in the back seat after getting the front desk to let me back into my room.  Since the weather was horrible all day, the poor guy didn't get to sightsee with me.

After the suit debacle, I realized I needed to plan for the upcoming toll roads.  Here I am in Iowa City.  Notice the parking meter? 

It was Saturday and I still had to feed the meter!  In addition, I pulled out 20 bucks in mixed coin and bills and spent it already on the toll roads today.  Now I have to pull out more cash for my last day.  I miss you po dunk Idaho Falls where parking is free and so is the open road.  

My third trial of the day?  Wind.  Wind that blew my car around.  In fact, more wind than I've ever had the pleasure to endure.  I thought southeast Idaho was windy, but we got nothing compared to Nebraska and Illinois.  Just outside of Chicago, I stopped to gas up and had my car door ripped out of my hand by said wind, and had to hang on for dear life to keep from blowing away during fill up...

No, I'm not looking down.  This is a straight up normal selfie with the wind doing its worst.  I know Chicago is called the Windy City, but I guess I'm self centered and thought I had it rough in Idaho.  Plus, I've been in Chicago before but had so many other things I hated about that place, that I must have overlooked the stupid wind.

Fourth incident?  Snow.  Snow which started in Illinois, and continued through all of Ohio and part of Pennsylvania.  In Ohio, the roads were so bad in some places, that traffic was moving at 45 MPH on the freeway.  I actually felt right at home.  I thought Idaho was one of the few states that frequently enjoys blizzard conditions this late in the season, but boy was I wrong!  Unfortunately, since I planned incorrectly for such bullcrap, I had the wrong shoes on:

Oh well.  My only other complaint is that my stupid heart is now consistently skipping beats again, yet I have only consumed one small soda in the last three days.  I'm not having any pain, palpitations, or tachycardia, so I'm assuming I'm not going to drop dead anytime soon.  However, I am rather put out that I'm going to have to go to a doctor's office like a regular person once I get to RI instead of having Internal Medicine at my old employer see me for free.  Why couldn't this have come up two weeks ago?!

All in all I guess the trip so far hasn't been too bad.  I miss my kids and lover.  I miss my mommy, my daddy, and my stupid siblings.  I miss lovely Idaho...but not as much as I'm going to...

The Exodus - Day One

I started my 900 mile journey to Lincoln, Nebraska at 6 am local time today.  I did ok emotionally saying goodbye to my lover and his demons, but then lost it when I dropped into this little valley I love right before Swan Valley.  I bawled again when a cheesy song by the Indigo Girls came on my Pandora playlist, but have been dry ever since.  The most memorable part of my journey occurred at a rest stop right before the Nebraska border.  It was there that Harper Lee left her water bottle in the stall I was using, so I handed it back under the door while my bladder purged its contents into the Loo I was perched over.  I'm sure everyone will try to remind me she died recently, but I saw her with my own two peepers.  I didn't confront her because I know she values her privacy, and I am always respectful to others.

My crazy RI friend Alyssa passed her beloved bear suit to me last night so that I could do something amazing with it on my journey.  Here we are yesterday:

The three of us have a long history together, which mostly consists of one of us in the suit bothering as many people as we can.  Given that I spend most of my time sitting in outhouses in the suit, waiting for someone to open the door so I can growl, I took this pic in some random Flying J somewhere in Nebraska:

I say "somewhere" because I literally never know where I am.  My dad purchased me a fancy Garmin for my trip because he was so worried about my ability to get lost.  He called me like four times today and asked me each time where I was.  Since I had no idea, I would instead tell him how many miles I was from Lincoln, and he would tell me where he thought I was.  Within about five minutes of him telling me his estimate, the road sign telling me the location he guessed would pass.  Yes.  I truly am that bad.

Despite the fact that I ate out of my cooler and only stopped about 5 times total for gas and peeing, I didn't want Alyssa to think I wasn't giving the bear suit a good vacation.  Therefore, I did this:

And this:

And because I thought it looked even funnier from the opposite angle, I did this:

It's now getting to be close to midnight local time so it's time for bed so I can be halfway refreshed before my next leg to Erie, PA.  Since I've been on call nearly constantly for over a year, I'm going to treat myself to a sleep aid.  And in case you're wondering if I have access to the big guns since I can prescribe, the answer is yes.  What did I prescribe myself?  BENADRYL!  Nighty night!