Epitome of Culture

Anyone who knows me well is probably aware that Jared and I have been season ticket holders to Broadway touring shows since the first year of our marriage.  In other words, for nearly 21 years.  I had been attending the theater for several years prior to meeting Jared because my roommate's grandparents had an extra seat at the Capital Theater in Salt Lake City which they generously let me purchase from them.  I learned pretty quickly after sitting in their most excellent seats that I liked sitting close to the stage.  Therefore, it only took about one year to realize I was a theater snob and only the best and most expensive seats would do for me.  I literally would rather stay home from a play if it means I have to sit in a crappy cheap seat.  I'd rather maintain my dignity than have anyone around me think I am penniless like them.  I know at least one of my siblings will find this information surprising given how tightly I clutch my nickels when it comes to everything else except food.  However, I will not apologize for my few refined and expensive tastes.

When Jared and I were in school and didn't have two nickels to rub together, we always managed to cobble together the annual theater subscription fee with tax returns, other refunds, and sometimes our Christmas or birthday money.  Thus, no one sitting around me in the high class seating knew that I was a Ramen noodle and scrambled egg theater aficionado.  I literally didn't have money for much of anything else!  For many years it was my special date night with Jared.  We'd leave our crappy kids behind with a baby sitter and some frozen pizza, and off we'd tromp to the theater, eating beforehand at a really high class restaurant like Crown Burger.  When things were a little looser right before we graduated and left for Idaho for my first job, we decided to add a third seat so that we could take one of the girls to our shows and teach them how to be snobbish and uppity.  We began to let the girls choose the restaurant prior to the show and I have enjoyed watching their palates become more refined and pricey through the years.  I essentially have 5 theater and restaurant minions running around and it gives me joy.

This last week it was Bub's turn to see "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" at the Boston Opera House.  She of course was excited and couldn't wait to go.  I took her restaurant choice away from her because I was tired of eating at Chinatown 20 million times a year.  We tried an Italian place one of my partners suggested.  It was essentially a glorified Olive Garden, but that's the beauty of Boston, there's a million restaurants to try so I am sure next trip we can find another place that suits our fancy a little better.  Here's Bubba posing for me:

I may be a theater snob, but I have the weakest old lady bladder known to man, so Jared, Bub, and I decided to take a pit stop before the show got started.  Since I maintain the highest standards of dignity, I took the opportunity to send my friends Kareena and Sarah a selfie:

In case you can't tell, that's me sitting on the toilet.  I didn't want to get behind on the peeing pictures I send to that particular trashy group and thought I'd use my theater tastes to elevate the quality of the content.  I'm sure they appreciated my class given the lively discussion we had by text after.  I was sure that with all the high class dawdling Bub and I did taking selfies in the John, that Jared would be waiting for me in the lobby.  When I didn't see him, I was a little worried I had missed him somewhere.  Since I still had his ticket and he couldn't claim his seat without it, I sent a very respectful text to ask if he was still in the bathroom.  Just to show how refined my theater attendance has made me, I would like to offer a screenshot for your perusal.  Individuals who do not have the funds to attend the theater are often more crass and perverted than I am.  Just marvel at what a high class lady I am...

The show wasn't my favorite, but it was cute and Bub had a good time.  Plus, Jared got a primo parking place right at the exit and could not stop pointing out how fantastic he was for spotting said spot.  

I'd like to deride Jared for his boastful parking.  I'd like to say that high class theater folks DO NOT brag about what a great parking spot they find.  Nor do they continue to point it out OVER AND OVER again once they get back to their car, consistently mentioning how quickly they got their friends out of the parking garage after the show.  However, I've been sitting next to Jared for over 20 years in expensive theater seats and know he's been attending regularly.  I guess the only excuse I have for his shameful behavior is that he's riding on my coattails and for some reason has not allowed the theater experience to adequately wipe out some of his more trashy qualities.

On the way home, we gobbled up the treats we had purchased at Phillip's Candy House on our way into Boston.  I've seen this place on the side of the road a dozen times and finally stopped.  How was it?  Fantastic!  We bought Bub some chocolate covered gummy bears and bought a pound of assorted treats for ourselves.  I had mentioned to Hannah earlier in the evening that I would bring her some.  However, as the night wore on, I no longer wanted to share my bounty.  That's the thing about us refined theater goers - we often back out of promises and commitments, especially if chocolate is involved.  I sent the following message to Hannah:

Unfortunately, she's a long time theater snob too and you just can't walk over another snob as easily as you would a regular cheap seats person... unless of course you are married to me, and then I can do what I want with you...  Just read the parking paragraph if you doubt me...  Anyhoo, after much discussion with my car companions, we brought Hannah only a few pieces of our booty (it was exactly two) and inhaled the rest ourselves.  I'm sure you'd like to pass some judgement about how piggish and rude I am.  However, I am a theater snob and therefore everything I do is high class...  I'm sure there are plenty of folks that can back me up on this, but I'll have to get back to you about whom you should interview on the subject.  February is School of Rock and we will be taking Emma.  Now I just have to figure how to get into Phillip's without her seeing me so that I don't have to share my high quality theater treats again...

        

  

At it Again

I just found out this last week that not only will my parents be visiting for Bubba's upcoming baptism, but my sister and her little family will be too.  My parents came last spring and although my house was in disarray because of the renovation that we had started/still needed to start, I only felt the need to impress my parents by telling  them I was embarrassed about the state of my house  - not by actually doing anything to renovate faster so that they might feel more comfortable while they were here.  Unfortunately, with Boone coming, I'm really going to have to step up my game.  Although my verbal excuses will win some points, that cat has no problem telling you what a miserable loser you are, so I gotta get a few more things taken care of to keep her fat mouth from bugging me too much about... well, what a miserable loser I know I actually am...

What have I decided to work on?  Well, my dining room, so that maybe we can have enough room for everyone to sit down during meals this summer.  I did manage to do a little bit of work when I first moved in.  You see, my favorite gal Maria had several areas on the dining room floor that had been damaged and replaced with oak patches instead of pine which the original floor was laid with.  Maria had so much crap in that house that her patches were covered with her 10 tons of ugly furniture.  It wasn't until I moved in that I finally saw her stupid ugly patches and man was I mad about it!  I forgot to take before pictures of the areas, but after I had paid a floor guy named Rego (he's great actually) to repair the floor, I did remember to take a before and after pic of one of the patched areas.  Before:

After: 

I actually refinished the front entry way, the living room, and the dining room before Jared and the girls arrived because the flooring was so terrible, I didn't want to have any further damage done to it while I waited to renovate each room.  I'm going to have to do a few more coats to the floor now that I'm starting the actual room renovation, but at least I won't have to take it back down to bare wood again.  Praise.

Know what else Maria did in the dining room?  well, this:

See that shelf just cut off in the middle of the wall?  She had a big armoire in front of that area so I didn't see THAT idiocy until she moved out either!  The dining room has built in shelves around the entire room.  There used to be a door by that shelf and Maria and/or her cronies sheetrocked over said door and just left the cut out area without a shelf.  (Please don't ask me to discuss what I think about her sheetrock job)!  That missing shelf looks fantastic without anything in front of it let me tell you!  It's taken me nearly 2 years to decide what to do about it.  I have had exactly 4 ideas that I have pondered for the last 20 months and it was the fourth that finally won.  They are, in order of their conception, the following:

1. Find a 3D printed replacement for the missing shelf
2. Find a carpenter to manufacture a wooden replacement for the shelf
3. Drive to Cranston, find Maria, and murder her with the pipe and golf balls she left in the basement
4. Rip out the shelving and replace it with wainscotting

I hope it's going to look fantastic.  It certainly can't be any worse than what Maria left me!  At least I already have some good before and after pics of the shelf removal.  Before Jared started pulling off the baseboard:

After Jared started pulling off the baseboard:  

Gosh I love that plumber's crack.  It goes on for miles!  In all honesty, I hope I will have something really nice to blog about in about 6 months, but I'm actually afraid Boone and my parents will arrive to find a bigger mess than what my folks saw last year!  These things always take me longer to finish then I think they will.  Like my basement that I thought I would have nearly done by now:

Or my fence that completely needs to be replaced.  Look at my back fence with its two spots that are already waving in the breeze:

Heaven help me if we get a bad Nor'easter this year.  Any decent wind is going to blow that picket monstrosity down, and my poor back fence neighbors will have an unobstructed view of my horrible back yard - complete with the deep holes from the foundation I haven't finished digging out yet.

You're right Briana.  I'm a mess.  And a weirdo.  And...  hey, wanna come check out the three season porch falling off the side of my house?  Step inside and let's make your visit interesting...