Goodbye 2016 and Good Riddance...

Tonight it's New Year's Eve and I'm spending another holiday without my family.  I never thought in a million years I'd still be hanging on the East Coast alone and it's been a tough pill to swallow.  I only cried twice today and that's pretty darn good if you ask me.  Today is also my daddy's birthday and I'm sad that I don't get to spend the evening with that old grouch.  My friend Alyssa penned a nice post on her blog about how tough 2016 has been.  I was reminded just how awful this year has been for a lot of the people I love in this world and that I am certainly not alone in my misery.  I have friends and family who have gone months and months without a job, a sister with breast cancer, another sister with long standing infertility that has finally given up on another baby, friends having trouble paying their bills...  the list goes on and on.  Life is hard and it sort of pisses me off that it has to be that way. 

To keep my mind off the holiday, I spent the day at the Mystic Aquarium with Renee, her daughters, and her granddaughter.  We got in free with our Lifespan ID badges and then had dinner at Mystic Pizza - yes, the Mystic Pizza from the movie with Julia Roberts...  So, did I have a nice day?  Of course!  Mostly because even when I'm sad, I'm still me, and I like to be ridiculous and have a good time everywhere I go.  Seeing the animals at the aquarium wasn't the best part of my day because I took Renee's daughter Briana on a sled dog ride:

I also took a pic with Santa, who for some reason has not gone back to the North Pole, but is hanging out at the Mystic Aquarium on a big chair instead:

Briana and I also managed to get one of the scuba divers in the fish tank to come over and take a selfie with us - complete with rabbit ears!  I felt like I'd hit the jackpot:

After all this nonsense it didn't take Briana long to figure out that I would do just about anything anyone asked me to - including sticking my head up into this aquarium that only kids were playing in.  I can't help it that most adults are sticks in the mud...

After the day was over and I was driving home, I cried a bit but decided I should follow Alyssa's example and discuss the positives about this last year and maybe even list some of the things I've learned.  First, I've traveled to about a million places since I landed in New England.  I've gone to Cape Cod, the Statue of Liberty, most of the national parks and monuments in Rhode Island and Massachusetts.  I've explored Boston and walked in the shoes of the patriots who founded this country.  I traveled to DC and enjoyed the monuments celebrating our great nation.  I've spent time pondering the ultimate sacrifice that many of my countrymen have paid to bless me with freedom as I walked on sacred ground in Arlington, Virginia.  I've explored nearly all the beaches in Rhode Island (there are 100) and have walked hundreds of miles on nature trails in several states around me.  I've learned all about Rhode Island history and have learned some stuff even the locals don't know.  I've tried hot weenies, coffee milk, frozen lemonade, and ate lobster every payday for the entire summer so that by the time lobster prices started to rise, I was kind of glad to have a break.  This short list doesn't even cover everything I've done in the last nine months because since I left home, I have driven through and/or explored 20 states!  I could go on and on but the significant thing about everything I've seen is that I did it all alone, and that's a huge thing for someone who gets lost everywhere - even in their tiny home town.  I learned that with a GPS, a few bucks in my pocket, and a destination to explore, I could navigate to any town or landmark I wanted to see, and not a single person cared that I was there alone.  Only my own embarrassment or self consciousness can hold me back from anything I want to accomplish in this life.

Second, I learned that I really do love my sexy lover and my rotten kids as much as I thought I did.  Jared and my girls have been my rock this year and have done their very best with a horrible situation.  None of them have made me feel badly about the sacrifice that we are making so that we can have a different life in the East.  There will always be some friction in a family, but I'm proud of the girls for helping each other and their daddy until I can be with them again.  I'm so grateful I hitched my star to the man I did.  Jared loves me unconditionally and completely and has encouraged me to be my best from the moment he walked into my life.

Third, I'm grateful for all the family and friends that I have had the privilege to know in my life.  Their strength and trust in God despite their individual trials has sustained me - even when I have questioned my own strength, faith, or ability to continue on my chosen road.  Some of those friends also deserve a shout out for constantly checking in on me to make sure I knew that I was wanted, needed, and hadn't lost my mind by leaving my family behind. 

Last, I'm grateful to be me.  I'm brave, strong, and pretty darn amazing for everything I've accomplished over the course of my life.  If my daughters can learn that there is nothing they can't do - even stuff that is scary as hell and just as hard - all because they watched their momma live her own life that way... then I will have created my crowning opus.  Yep, I've done a lot of great stuff.  However, 2016 has still sucked some major nuts and I am looking forward to a change of fortune in the coming year.  Goodbye 2016...  Don't let the door hit you on the butt on your way out... 

Merry Christmas

Today is Christmas morning.  It's a beautiful sunny day in Rhode Island and I am trying to feel blessed because of the season but since I am alone, I find it difficult to keep my focus positive.  Throughout my life, I have only missed two Christmases with my family.  The first was during my first year in college when the University of Utah went to the Freedom Bowl and the marching band had to leave early Christmas Day to make the trip to support the football team.  I spent that Christmas with my friend Lynda's family.  It was pleasant of course, but not the same.  This year, I'm spending Christmas with Renee - the frat house owner.  We had a delicious Christmas Eve dinner with her very loud family.  I enjoyed listening to them cackle and tell stories in their Boston accents and I ate lots of yummy food I don't normally consume this time of year.  Look at us:

I have met such wonderful people since arriving here in the East and am amazed at how friendly and kind complete strangers have been to me.  I am trying to remember that despite my loneliness, I have had an incredible nine months here and have accomplished lots of things many people would never have been able to do had they been in my shoes.  It helps a little...  but I find I am still lonely.  I've actually held it together pretty well this holiday season with my first Christmas tears occurring this morning when I awoke.  Jared had awakened early this morning and found that Santa had arrived in Idaho.  He sent me this sweet pic:

That's a Christmas tree that my kind brother let us borrow since mine is lost in a storage shed somewhere.  My entire front room is empty except for the tiny little tree and the presents dear Santa left behind.  Part of the magic of Christmas for me is listening to my children whisper about what might be downstairs, setting alarms to try and catch Santa at his work, and of course, their squeals of delight when they finally see their gifts.  This year, the frat house was nearly silent and the tender beauties of my usual Christmas season were 2500 miles away.  Yup.  I'm still sad.

This year was a miracle because Jared woke the girls up for presents instead of the other way around.  I was a bit worried about their mental health until the little ones admitted they had checked at 4 AM and discovered Santa had arrived.  Thank goodness some things never change.  This year, I got to experience something I have never tried before:

Christmas by FaceTime.  I've had lots of new experiences this year and most have been wonderful, but I have to admit that I prefer Christmas in person.  Jared has reminded me a lot this year that at least we have the technology to talk to each other face to face instead of waiting weeks and months for a letter to arrive from the ones we love.  He's right, but sorry, I'm still sad and lonely.  The girls had a nice Christmas.  I even had a few surprise presents that made the morning special.  Jared and I read the first Christmas story with the girls and I was moved to tears as I listened to the beginning of the life of a man who spent his entire existence serving others.  I know he suffered all for me and knows how I feel, but it still isn't helping.  I'm still lonely and sad.  However, it was nice to remember once again why we celebrate the day in the first place. 

I'm going to head out for a walk soon and will probably find a beach to comb since there is something wonderfully peaceful about that activity for me.  Renee has also invited me back to her mom's for more food and company.  I couldn't stand to do breakfast and the jury is still out about whether I feel emotionally stable enough to head over later, but it's nice to have an offer on the table.  My Christmas wish for 2016 is that everyone else that might be lonely and sad this year may somehow find peace and comfort in 2017... that, and I sure as heck hope that 2017 finds me together with Jared and his babies again.  Merry Christmas everyone. 

Meet my BFF... TSA

Today I'm headed back to Rhode Island after a visit to Idaho.  As we speak, I'm enjoying a three hour layover in the Denver airport.  I had lunch and dinner dates nearly every day this last week with many of the people I care most about in this world.  I also got this awesome gift from my friend Kareena:

It's a tiny voodoo doll!  The best part of this gift was when I caught Hannah using it...

I thought her evil powers were pure.  Turns out she's as weak as the rest of us and CAN'T destroy people with the energy of her mind.  I stand corrected.

Aside from the constant worry over my house that just won't sell, I had a nice trip.  Nice that is, until I arrived at the IF airport to fly back to the Ocean State.  That airport pisses me off above all others.  I have a genuine distaste and distrust of TSA, but in IF, the agents are a special breed and I believe they exist entirely for my individual torture.  I used to fly out of either Boston and Providence and into Salt Lake City because of how much less expensive flights were.  Four flights ago, I told Jared the flight was so long I was going to spend the extra money and only fly out of Providence and only into Idaho Falls.  I've never had a bag searched until I started flying out of Idaho Falls.  I'm now three for three on bag searches and it's pissing me off!  What sets them off?  The first time it was some almonds in my bag.  The second time I think it was just for kicks.  Today, it was for the really dangerous large size toothpaste and Idaho Spud candy bars I was trying to bring on board.  I knew when I brought the toothpaste that it exceeded the size limit.  However, I wanted to conduct an experiment to see if the IF TSA indeed only hires assclowns, since I have long suspected this to be the case.  As I predicted, they didn't disappoint.  They confiscated my toothpaste tube and told me there were rules I could have looked up.  I told them that my tube had made it through security in Rhode Island.  "Oh really?" they said with incredulity.  I assured them that's why I hated them so badly...  There's no consistency in a screening process that I don't think works anyway.  The lady assigned to piss me off today, finished rifling through my really dangerous candy and dirty underpants, then told me not to be rude.  I snidely informed her I could behave as I chose.  She then told me to go be rude upstairs.  I complied because I wanted to get upstairs anyway since that's where my flight was...  Despite making all my comments in a very calm and passive aggressive way, they called a cop to come and talk to me.  I politely informed the officer I had no intention of talking to him and he could either arrest me or leave me alone.  Lucky for me, he just stared at me and let me walk away.  Passive aggressive traveler one...  but TSA is still the ultimate winner since they got to fondle my dirty underpants.

Am I eventually going to get arrested?  Probably.  Am I going to stop my brazen and saucy behavior?  No!  Try to justify TSA to me all you like, but until the screening process is the same in every airport, I will continue to believe the precautions they are taking probably don't make much difference.  Until people sneaking fake weapons in to test TSA are no longer successful, I will continue to believe that my 5 ounce tube of toothpaste couldn't possibly be dangerous at all.  And until some other airport rifles through my candy and filthy underpants, I will continue to believe that the Idaho Falls Airport is staffed entirely by assclowns...  Can this rant increase my score to two?...  Please?

Moving Day

Today, the frat house became more like an apartment for me because Renee's brother, his girlfriend, and the girlfriend's son bought a house and moved out.  Since I am a decent human being and a Christian, I decided to help them move.  The only problem is, I HATE moving.  I actually detest it.  Most things in life don't bother me too much, but I don't care how little or how much you have, or whether you are moving your own crap or someone else's, it's just plain horrible.  We got started at about 9 this morning and didn't finish until 4 PM.  That's the other thing I despise about moving - it doesn't matter how quickly you think the process will take - add 3 hours to the worst case scenario and you might get finished when you estimated.  Have I stressed enough that I hate moving?

The day wasn't too horrible because I found a Cumberland Farms in Burrillville, RI where Pierre moved that had Coke Zero on tap.  Highlight one. 

Renee also took me to Wright's Dairy Farm in Woonsocket, RI so I could try their fresh chocolate milk and egg nog.

Was it better than Reed's Dairy?  No.  Was it at least as good as Reed's Dairy?  Not even close.  I am beginning to wonder if the milk that comes from cows outside of the Gem State are even capable of lactating a product that can be turned into something sublime.  My search for perfection continues, but even if I can't ever find a dairy product I love as much as Reed's Dairy's, at least I have a wonderful place to eat when I visit my loved ones in Idaho.  Know what Wright's Dairy does have?  A pastry counter.  And a rather extensive one at that.  I was skeptical at first because I couldn't see how a dairy and a pastry shop were connected.  Turns out it doesn't matter because the pastry shop was absolutely divine.  I had a peanut butter brownie that turned me on and I saw at least 2 dozen other items that would probably affect me in the same way.  Definitely highlight number two.

Since I underestimated how long it would take us to finish moving duties, I didn't get around to showering until nearly 7 PM Eastern time.  I was so sweaty and gross that when I took my socks off to jump in the shower, my toes were wrinkly.  It's been a long time since I have been so disgusted by my personal hygiene but man that shower was the third highlight of my day.

At some point today, Renee offered me the room Pierre vacated since its bigger than the room I'm in...

However, I'm lazy.  Even though I don't have much to move, I made it clear to Renee that transferring my belongings across the hall was more effort than I would ever be willing to exert - thank you just the same.  Yep.  It's quiet around the frat house now.  After gorging ourselves on our pastries, Renee graciously offered to help me move into my new home if I could ever sell my place in Idaho.  Unfortunately, I want her to still be my friend after this whole ordeal is over, so I think when it's time, I'll just sneak out of the frat house so she won't be able to help me.  Have I ever mentioned how awful it is to move?