Thursday, November 30, 2017

Happy Holidays Maria

Well Thanksgiving has come and gone and it was nice to spend ours with my friend Renee and her family.  The food was good, the company was fine, and nothing started on fire.  Disappointing, but expected.  Here's some photos of our day:







No sooner had we finished eating then I realized I normally set up my Christmas tree on Thanksgiving day.  Only problem?  My front room still needed new paint and was in no condition to accept the beauty of the season.  As such, I bullied Jared into letting me stop all the sanding I've been doing on my doors and banisters and let me get the front room done instead.  For the last two days, I have done nothing but paint, then go to work, then paint some more.  I let youtube babysit my children and didn't think twice about my poor decision.  Want to know what Bubba did while I was distracted?


Yep.  I have four videos of her doing that very thing on my phone.  Obviously she was bored.  I won't deny what a neglectful mother I am, but she'll be happy once the tree is up.

Although painting can be tedious, it's actually quite an inexpensive and satisfying upgrade to a room.  Maria the jerk had my front room painted this poop brown color.  She had multiple different types of texture on the walls and two holes that used to hold sconces over which she screwed a plastic cover.  I'd like to spend three years complaining about all the problems in my house, including that I now need a new furnace because Maria bought the cheapest unit ever and then had it installed incorrectly.  However, I've been running into quite a lot of writer's block lately so I need to save a few ideas in case I get into a blogging emergency.  Therefore, let me just say that I picked a beautiful yellow color and after all the repairs and finish work is finally done, that front room will be comfy, cozy, and ready to accept a Christmas tree. 

Although I think I do a nice job with painting and choosing colors to match my bright and colorful soul, my sister Briana thinks my taste in colors is ridiculous.  She is by far my worst critic, and spent a lot of time telling me how gaudy and trashy I was when we both lived in Idaho Falls.  I let her help me pick out my front room color in Idaho so that I would have one room that wasn't a carnival color.  She found a shade called Malted Milk that was just lovely.  We found a light blue to match and I immediately told her it was going on the ceiling.  She berated me and told me decent people don't paint their ceilings weird colors.  I didn't listen and as a consequence, it was gorgeous, and even Briana admitted she had been wrong about her ceiling rule. 

When I started slapping my yellow on the walls yesterday, I got a little nostalgic, so I sent a selfie to Briana.


I'm sure deep down she really does like the yellow and is jealous of my unabashed living because today she texted me and told me she missed me and wished I hadn't moved so far away.  I know Briana.  I'm pretty fabulous  You don't have to tell me twice.  Actually, I kind of miss her too because who is going to keep me from making poor color decisions?  No one.  That's who.  Oh well.  I guess the vibrant yellow stays and it's one more thing that is helping Maria and her horrible influence to disappear from this house.  Happy Holidays and good riddance.  May the peace of the season keep you far away from me. 








Thursday, November 16, 2017

Thanksgiving Blues

As you may have noticed, Thanksgiving is a week away.  Because I don't have my mommy to feed me anymore, I had to make alternate plans so that some other sucker will cook a turkey for me.  Last year, I was living with Renee and so by default, her family invited me to their Thanksgiving feast.  A few weeks ago, I invited myself and my brood over to Renee's celebration for a second time.  Luckily for me, she still doesn't know what a dirtbag I really am deep down, so she agreed to let me come over.  My assignment is gravy, rolls, and dessert.  I would have agreed to almost anything as long as I didn't have to take responsibility for the turkey!  I have a sneaking suspicion that I will never experience the nonsense that has often been a part of mine and/or Jared's family's Thanksgiving celebrations when hanging with Renee.  You want examples?  How about the fact that Jared's family colors their mashed potatoes every year.  Do you know how creepy it is to eat orange, green, or pink potatoes?  What about the time my sister Chris served us a raw turkey?  Or even the time that we lit the sweet potato casserole on fire three times before it could make it to the table.  I can even mention the time my dad bought a bunch of crappy pies from the Schwan man which I bet cost him a million bucks.  Then he was mad when we all ended up making homemade pies anyway because frozen pies taste like B-U-T-T-H-O-L-E-S.  As a consequence, we had even more pies than normal and were forced to eat his yucky ones just so he would shut up about all the money he spent.  Yeah, Thanksgiving at Renee's is probably just going to be a bunch of good food shared with people that behave themselves, but no one is perfect I guess.

Since the holidays are on their way, eggnog has made it's annual appearance as well.  Thanksgiving might be around the corner for me, but Reed's dairy no longer is.  This means that there is no eggnog joy in my life anymore.  I have made a few attempts these last 2 seasons to find an acceptable substitute, but such a thing does not exist and never can.  I cannot stress enough to those who are unfamiliar with Reed's dairy, that their chocolate milk, eggnog, and chocolate eggnog can never be equaled...  Ever... Period...  Believe me when I say, that unless you take a trip to Idaho Falls, ID and taste the magic for yourself, you will never understand how empty your life has been, and how meaningless it will be ever after as long as Reed's is not available.  Here's my eggnog attempt this year...


I'm secretly hoping that my dad reads my blog and will feel tender towards me and spend a million dollars to ship me some Reed's eggnog instead of wasting his moola on more crappy Schwan's pies.  However, my dad reads meaningful things like WWII books, and books on the American revolution, and the newspaper.  He most certainly does not waste time reading the fluff that one finds on the pages of my blog.  I know my mom reads my blog, but she's cheaper than I am, so she'd never feel sorry enough for me to ship me eggnog.  The last thing she mailed me was a paint scraper that she got for free from someone.  I'm also pretty sure she had my dad mail it so that she wouldn't have to waste her own dough helping me out.  Don't deny it mommy, I respect your frugality.  Plus, I actually love that scraper and hope it lasts so that I don't have to spend MY money on a new one.

Oh well, Thanksgiving is gonna be different from now on.  It's also gonna be several seasons before I am able to get home for some real egg nog.  It's cool.  I'm over it already.  Know why?