Glamping

I moved to the Ocean State just over 2 years ago.  Since I didn't have my family, and had only the belongings that fit into my Honda, there were lots of activities I missed out on.  Motorcycle cruising for one.  Yelling at my kids to "SHUT UP" on roadtrips for another.  And the biggest thing I missed two years worth of?  The Johanson Family Campouts!  I have blogged about these trips before of course.  The hole digging to China, my lover flopped on an inner tube for hours on end both on shore and on various bodies of water...  I absolutely love camping, and have almost convinced my kids (except for Hannah who hates everything I like) that it is the best thing ever to do with a week of your summer vacation.

I was a little nervous given that camping out here in the east is totally different than in Idaho.  For starters, I couldn't go to the dump and salvage all the wood I would need to burn down a small city for free.  I certainly didn't have any mountains around to camp in either...  Well, not what I classify as mountains anyway.  I wasn't going to have Bear Lake, Panguitch Lake, Warm River, or any of the other favorite sites that I enjoy watching my kids cover themselves in filth from.  In fact, Jared was so bummed about not having any real mountains around, that he wouldn't even get a campsite reserved despite my incessant nagging for months on end.  I finally had to do some research and reserve the site myself since I didn't want all the sites to fill up like they always do in Idaho.  Where did we go?  Well, the White Mountains of New Hampshire.  Did we have a good time?  You bet we did!

There were the multiple waterfall hikes we went on:

Tons of covered bridges:

Hidden lakes that I thought I would die hiking to:

And binoculars that Bubba used to spy on everyone and everything the entire trip:

Let's also not forget that Bubba went on a Canoe ride with Emma and Lily and then cried and screamed, "I'M GONNA DIE OUT HERE AND MOM AND DAD WILL NEVER KNOW!"  Even though Jared and I could see her from the shore.  Quality memories people.  

We had a blast, but there were several differences that I noted which made New England camping distinctly different than what I am used to.  I'll limit the list to just 10:

1. We heard freeway traffic all night while sleeping in our tent - NOT a rushing river or crickets
2. I still could not see the stars because of all the light pollution
3. There were coin operated showers that were luxurious.  I didn't know what to do without stinky underpants
4. There was a dryer at the camp for wet clothes and towels
5. There was a sink with hot water on tap to wash your dishes with
6. The more primitive Federal sites without the amenities were only 3 dollars less expensive per night
7. All the campers wore normal, clean, clothes.  The women often put on makeup in the bathrooms and actually did up their hair   
8. We were one of the few campers with a truck
9. I didn't see anyone else with a dutch oven
10. They had a lodge where you could buy all sorts of stuff you forgot including air mattresses, batteries, ice, and Dinty Moore stew

In some ways, it was like being on Mars.  But in others, it was really comfortable and delightful, and I'm glad none of my Idaho peeps saw me in my trashy camp clothes enjoying my luxury!  What's next for the Johanson's after another successful camping trip?  Well, Jared is more motivated to take the campsite reins back.  He thinks he might look in Maine or maybe the Berkshires for a more rustic and isolated spot.  I'm voting for another lake so we can take the canoe out again and have Bubba scream for her life for 20 minutes.  Maybe we can find more hidden waterfalls or lakes.  Whatever the next adventure, this trip has taught me I can be happy anywhere... as long as there's a clothes dryer on site...  

Where or where has my little dog gone...?

Over three months since I've written?  Are you kidding me?  Where have I been you might ask?  Well, to be honest, I was going through some major stressors and ended up with some fairly deep depression.  Not as bad as the postpartum depression I got after Hannah mind you - no hiding in closets or trying to plan my escape from my life...  Nah, this time I just cried a lot and spent inordinate amounts of time blaming myself for every decision I have made in the last two years.  For anyone that has suffered from depression, it can be really difficult to function, let alone do anything extra like maintain a blog.  In addition, because I am still not rich or famous, even after blogging about all the douchy things I do all the time, I figured no one was paying any attention to me so I decided to give up the blog forever.  Even after giving up the blog, my despair continued to deepen.  When I couldn't take it one moment longer, I found this nice male psychologist who laughed at my jokes, told me that he thought I was coping well with everything, and to continue forward living my life.  He gave me a few voodoo tricks to use when I was feeling really down and after a few sessions, I was right as rain.  We never really got around to discussing my blog because I had given it up before I met him.  I'm sort of glad now because I'm pretty sure our counseling sessions would have taken a completely different turn if he knew what I was really like.

Since several people (two) had heard about my blog and wanted the address, I decided it was probably time to get going on it again.  Plus, when my emotions are stable, I am far more likely to sit around being a giant douche and therefore have lots of potential posts to share.   What have my fans missed for the last several months?  Well, a lot to be honest.  Too much for me to discuss all in one sitting in fact.  However, here are a few highlights...

• I discovered the foundation to what Jared thinks is a sizable old garage in my garden space.  Add in the four stumps I already knew I needed to remove from back there and the digging we have been doing has turned the garden area into a trench any WWI history buff would be proud to see - minus the land mines of course...

• Rhode Island, like the rest of the East Coast, has been stuck in a heat wave.  The amount of sweating I have done this summer could have been conserved to water the entire area of my trench warfare reenactment... provided I had thought ahead sooner...

• I bought a canoe for my upcoming camping trip and when I took it out on a second run, I spent a good 30 minutes going around in a big circle, yelling at Hannah the whole time to stop paddling like an idiot.  When Jared arrived to the lake we were paddling on, he quickly determined that we were sitting in the canoe backwards.  For anyone that has ever wondered what would happen if you paddled in a backwards canoe...  well, read above.

I've had lots more adventures these last couple of months but by far my favorite may have happened yesterday.  I had taken the kids to the Six Flags water park just to escape the oppressive heat and humidity.  When we finally walked into the water park section, I was sweating so profusely, I almost could not peel my clothes off.  Then when I tried to get my swimsuit on, I almost couldn't pull it up.  Do you know how uncomfortable it is to try and yank a swimsuit over your fat belly and instead you just stand there watching your belly button writhe around on the jiggling fat boat it lives in as you yank it to and fro?  Do you know how awful it is to try to answer all the embarrassing questions your kids are asking at the tops of their lungs about why you can't pull your suit up over your large caboose?  Luckily, I have no pride, so I just kept at my ridiculous fat dance until mission was accomplished - detractors be damned.  I did have a moment of sadness when I realized my grandmother used to do the same dance getting her girdle on in the mornings and I had asked all the same questions of her that my kids asked me yesterday.  All it took was a little humidity to put me in my place.  Sorry Camilla D...  you deserved better.

If you think for one second that was the best part of the day, then you would be mistaken!  The best part was when Bubba, who had worn her suit to the park, realized she had forgotten her panties.  When she peeled her wet suit off (with some difficulty I might add) I told her just to go commando and wear her shorts home.  She looked at me with a look of terror and began to kick and whine and scream about going commando.  "I can't stand the way that feels mom! I can't go without my panties!"  It didn't take me long to realize that this was a battle I did not care to win because I certainly wouldn't have any peace if I did.  I asked her what her plan was and that wet suit was back on in a flash.  A kid that won't go commando?  Isn't there some sort of mental health or child development questionnaire that deducts points from a kid NOT willing to ditch their skivvies?  This can't possibly be normal.  Besides, she's my kid, which automatically means she's willing to compromise on all sorts of daily functions from hygiene to sleeping arrangements.  And if you don't like my genetics argument, then how about this:

We've spent a lot of time at RI beaches this summer to beat the heat.  This happens to be at Fort Wetherill.  Bubba announced quite quickly after getting in that she had peed.  A few weeks before, she had asked at Beavertail State Park if she could pee in the ocean for fun.  I of course said yes and down to the surf she raced, eager to share her bodily fluids with the marine life lucky enough to swim her way.  Now, you tell me why a kid who LOVES to urinate in the ocean, has the class to boycott commando status?  It makes no sense!  

Oh well, as usual, I'm not going to discourage weird behavior with very much gusto, because at least it gives me something to blog about!  That's right Dr. McGlinchey!  I'm back.  And you should have done your homework before telling me I was A-ok, because I'll likely only get worse from here...