I Don't Get It

I have started to become painfully aware that I have transformed into one of the old people that used to bug the hell out of me when I was younger.  These "old" people were basically anyone my parent's age or older that didn't seem to understand anything important.  Like how to use computers, or how to send an email, or how to use a CD player.  You know...  technology.  Now I'm 44 and the only social media I use is Snapchat and occasionally Marco Polo.  Hannah tried to explain "hashtags" to me a while ago and I just could not get my head around it.  I walked around for a few days saying "poundsign BFFs?"  I don't get it.  Hannah would roll her eyes and tell me it wasn't a pound sign that it was a hashtag.  I believe I argued for a while that it most certainly WAS a poundsign but I eventually gave up because she thought I was an old idiot, and I just kept making a fool out of myself over this new fangled hashtag thing.

For my 40th birthday we went to Disneyland and it was the first time I had ever heard of a digital ticket.  I opted for the digital ticket instead of having our passes mailed because first and foremost, I am cheap to the bone and the digital option was free.  I showed them to Dr. Hymas, one of the pediatricians I used to work with, and made him describe how this was going to work.  When he told me I just needed to pull them up on my phone when we got to Disney and scan them to get into the park, I absolutely told him he was lying.  He assured me he used digital tickets all the time, even when flying and it was the best and coolest thing ever.  Since it was Dr. Hymas telling me the process and NOT Hannah, I gave it a try and by golly it worked!  I have since used digital tickets for all sorts of things like flights, hockey games, and even plays and I still can't figure out how the damn thing works!  I even have started putting my digital tickets into something called the IPhone Wallet and just like my real wallet, it keeps important things all together until I need them, without 20 pieces of stupid paper flapping around and getting lost.  WEIRD!

I had my mind blown again over technology just today.  You see, a few days ago, my brother was trolling around for money to pay back my dad for doing our taxes every year.  He told me that I could pay my share to him with ApplePay if I wanted.  He actually told me the same thing last year but since I'm cheap and old and didn't want to pay the service fee (which I assumed there would be) I mailed a check.  He insinuated that I was old and lame last year when he got my check, so I decided that this year, I was not going to repeat the hashtag incident and would try to figure out ApplePay.  I almost turned back when I saw the 6 dollar service fee, but decided that the convenience, along with not sending a paper check that might foul our earth, plus proving I am NOT old and lame was worth it.  Here's proof I did it:

Turns out you send your money through a text message.  A TEXT MESSAGE!  What the hell is going on with this world?  How does this work?  Is every computer on this planet communicating?  Do the computers know that I am old, inept, and slightly scared by all this digital technology?  And how is my brother going to get the money I sent with ApplePay?  Will it just go on the credit card he chose?  Did he choose a debit card so it will go into his bank account?  Does he have to pay a fee to use that money I just sent him?  I guess I really am old and out of touch.  I don't know how much more technology I can handle.  What is it you young whippersnappers say these days?  Poundsign old lady?...