Goodbye Until 3 PM

It has taken 18 years, but today, Jared and I finally were eligible to have the public school system babysit our remaining four children for the entire school day...

The alone time was sublime.  My littles actually went back to school yesterday, but since Hannah didn't have to go to Freshmen Orientation, it took an extra day to get rid of her...

Excuse the crappy first day photo of Hannah.  I thought I could trust my lover to memorialize the day, but it turns out that I couldn't.

Since I am the coolest mom alive, we celebrated Hannah's last day off by doing this:

Yep, we went to Six Flags.  We could only stay for about 1.5 hours at the park, but since we have season tickets, I didn't feel jipped by the quick visit.  Additionally, since we didn't have any shorties, we were able to ride any coaster we wanted, which was pretty marvelous.  We came home in time to get Hannah to work and pick up the small fries from their first day at a new school.  They seemed to fit in just fine which I felt relieved about, and before I knew it, it was bedtime.  Right before we went to bed, Jared and I cooked up some fantastic plans for our alone time today.  What did we end up doing?

We got Emma and Hannah out the door, then walked the littles to school but got there 40 minutes early on accident.  Rather than wait at a lame elementary school, we walked back home and then Jared drove them back to the lame elementary school while I made eggs and waffles.  My lover and I sat out on the deck all alone eating waffles and discussing how great retirement is going to be without loser babies hanging around all the time.

After breakfast, Jared and I had some naked time which was great, though I felt weird and nervous because I kept expecting some rude kid to walk in and catch me being a pervert.  Thank goodness they were all at school!  This childless routine is going to take some getting used to I guess.  As a side note, I hope my mom and my eldest appreciate that I didn't snap any pics of my naked activities.  You're welcome prudes...

Jared and I had big plans to go to a Portuguese restaurant for lunch, but got caught up finishing this front jungle project I started a few days ago:

I forgot to take a "before"pic, but you can't believe how overgrown my stupid yard has been!  I gotta get rid of that tree at the corner of the house, but it's kind of large so we put it off for another day.  Even though we left the tree, the 6 bushes/plants we did clear out left my lover with these battle wounds:

Plus, we busted our last shovel, had to run to Home Depot and get a new one, which busted almost immediately upon returning to the front jungle.  Thankfully, I bought 2 shovels, so we finished our vegetation demolition, headed back to Home Depot, switched out the substandard digging tool they sold me, then finished the day off with a quick bite at this Italian Deli that I just love.  By the time we finished our late lunch, my rats had started coming home from school. That meant I had to make them dinner and listen to their exploits and pretend to care about what they told me instead of feeling bummed that I wasted my first alone day continuing to clean up after stupid previous owner, Maria!

I was going to feel sorry for myself a little longer, but Kayley texted to let me know she finally got a job as a Pharmacy Technician.  Hurray!  I'm tired of her sucking on my teats!  It will be nice to stop sending her money just so she can eat, play with her friends, and get her hair cut:

Yep, I'm in a pretty good place people.  12 more years and Bub turns 18 which means I can finally stop asking Jared why he didn't use a condom those five times we've had naked time together...  Not counting today that is...

  

Thanks For Nothing Maria

I've been in my new house for three months and the amount of work my domicile needs is staggering.  I knew going in I had my work cut out for me, but it's the extra stuff the jackass previous owner left that infuriates me.  Whenever you buy a new home, you try your best to notice everything you're gonna get stuck with, but even with a good inspection, I believe it's impossible to catch everything...  especially when the previous owner is a sneaky douchebag...  which mine clearly was.  I mean, I knew I had a jungle in my backyard to clean up, and I knew she liked rock borders:

However, I didn't know just how many rocks Maria the douche was hiding until I started to dig the jungle out...

The problem with that huge pile is that I'm not done digging out rocks, and you actually have to pay real money to use the dump here to get rid of stuff.  What in the hell am I supposed to do with all of your rocks Maria?!

I also knew there was some garbage under the deck, but had no idea how much trash was hidden under my three season porch...

This doesn't even count the five bags of golf clubs I've already hauled away!  And who throws their old sinks under their porch anyway?!  A douchebag named Maria, that's who!

Remember the trash I knew about under the deck?  Well, my little ones have started hauling it out for me because I offered them 20 bucks a piece once it's done:

Unfortunately, there's a lot of garbage left to clear because they get scared of spiders whenever they go under the deck.  I tell them to wear shoes and stop being sissies.  Those spiders are more scared of them than they are of the spiders, plus, don't you want your money?!  All my yelling and threats haven't worked because those sissies can't be rushed into finishing.  As such, I've decided that eventually I'll make my lover haul the rest of the deck trash out for free.  I'm certainly not going under there because there are spiders under the deck and I'm afraid of spiders!

I could go on and on about all the other stuff the douche left behind, or did not disclose as she legally should have, but ultimately it changes nothing.  The only thing that keeps me from driving to her forwarding address and kicking her ass is a treasure trove of pictures she left in Hannah's bedroom.  My favorite is this one:

He's now hanging on my fridge and I'm waiting for someone to ask me about him so that I can tell them he's my son and that he's away at school.  That's right Maria.  I've got creepy pictures of people that used to be important to you.  Clean out your trash from under my deck and three season porch and I might give your pictures back to you.  Say hello to the spiders for me...