In the Beginning...

This may surprise folks but I've had multiple requests to either:

• Write a book
• Become a stand up comedian
• Start a reality show
• Write a blog
• Get out of my life forever

I decided that I would finally acquiesce to the multiple demands of my adoring fans and given that getting out of your life (you know who you are) is completely unreasonable, I would instead begin a blog.  I have worried that perhaps something might get posted that would offend one of my past, present, or current patients and cause me to lose business.  I have also considered that my mommy might notice how awful I truly am and would spend her nights crying about the child she produced.  Thankfully, I only spend about 2 milliseconds every 6 months worrying to any extent about what people think about me.  I have perfected this talent over the years and it has given me much freedom to live life to the fullest.  I do not have any tips for how to accomplish this feat in your own life because I believe it has come with age.  I am 40 and I am grouchy, and as a Certified Nurse Midwife, I spend way too much time awake in the middle of the night.  The natural consequence is that I simply do not care about the vast majority of things that go on around me.  Actually, I am beginning to sound like this cat...

See the one on the left?  That's my Hannah.  She and Kayley are reenacting a photo at Sea World from when they were little folks.  It consisted of Kayley smiling (as usual) and Hannah crying (as usual).  She doesn't always cry, but she does spend much of her life grouching and grumping and hating everything around her.  It used to really bug me but her tantrums have become something of legend and now they just make me laugh... most of the time...  I honestly believe that the only 2 people she even has slight feelings for are my brother and his wife Ember..

Look how happy she is.  She never smiles like that for me, even if it is goofy.  She also never uses anyone's Christian name.  She uses adjectives for their physical attributes or flaws.  For instance, "The Nose," "Mullet and Ted,"  "Bratkins," etc.  I was describing this behavior to my coworkers after admitting that I call one of my brothers "The Pasty Bastard."  They not so subtly insinuated that perhaps Hannah had a reason for behaving as she did.  That perhaps I was to blame.  I wanted to argue until I realized that they may be right.  This was brought home all the more sharply when I was perusing the pics on my phone and realized that at least one third were aggressive or rude in some way.  Take a look at just a few...

This last one was in response to my daughter who wanted me to take her out to lunch.  I let her know I had really important plans that day.  When she kept bugging me I felt it necessary to illustrate how unlikely it was that her pleas would be heeded.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that on this my first post, I'm going to come clean about what you can expect.  Take it or leave it people.  I don't care.  I have lots of other things I could be doing instead of listening to your judgments.  However, if you stick around, you might just learn a thing or two which will make the pain of knowing me a little less sharp.  Hang on, it's going to be a bumpy ride!