Thanksgiving Blues

As you may have noticed, Thanksgiving is a week away.  Because I don't have my mommy to feed me anymore, I had to make alternate plans so that some other sucker will cook a turkey for me.  Last year, I was living with Renee and so by default, her family invited me to their Thanksgiving feast.  A few weeks ago, I invited myself and my brood over to Renee's celebration for a second time.  Luckily for me, she still doesn't know what a dirtbag I really am deep down, so she agreed to let me come over.  My assignment is gravy, rolls, and dessert.  I would have agreed to almost anything as long as I didn't have to take responsibility for the turkey!  I have a sneaking suspicion that I will never experience the nonsense that has often been a part of mine and/or Jared's family's Thanksgiving celebrations when hanging with Renee.  You want examples?  How about the fact that Jared's family colors their mashed potatoes every year.  Do you know how creepy it is to eat orange, green, or pink potatoes?  What about the time my sister Chris served us a raw turkey?  Or even the time that we lit the sweet potato casserole on fire three times before it could make it to the table.  I can even mention the time my dad bought a bunch of crappy pies from the Schwan man which I bet cost him a million bucks.  Then he was mad when we all ended up making homemade pies anyway because frozen pies taste like B-U-T-T-H-O-L-E-S.  As a consequence, we had even more pies than normal and were forced to eat his yucky ones just so he would shut up about all the money he spent.  Yeah, Thanksgiving at Renee's is probably just going to be a bunch of good food shared with people that behave themselves, but no one is perfect I guess.

Since the holidays are on their way, eggnog has made it's annual appearance as well.  Thanksgiving might be around the corner for me, but Reed's dairy no longer is.  This means that there is no eggnog joy in my life anymore.  I have made a few attempts these last 2 seasons to find an acceptable substitute, but such a thing does not exist and never can.  I cannot stress enough to those who are unfamiliar with Reed's dairy, that their chocolate milk, eggnog, and chocolate eggnog can never be equaled...  Ever... Period...  Believe me when I say, that unless you take a trip to Idaho Falls, ID and taste the magic for yourself, you will never understand how empty your life has been, and how meaningless it will be ever after as long as Reed's is not available.  Here's my eggnog attempt this year...

I'm secretly hoping that my dad reads my blog and will feel tender towards me and spend a million dollars to ship me some Reed's eggnog instead of wasting his moola on more crappy Schwan's pies.  However, my dad reads meaningful things like WWII books, and books on the American revolution, and the newspaper.  He most certainly does not waste time reading the fluff that one finds on the pages of my blog.  I know my mom reads my blog, but she's cheaper than I am, so she'd never feel sorry enough for me to ship me eggnog.  The last thing she mailed me was a paint scraper that she got for free from someone.  I'm also pretty sure she had my dad mail it so that she wouldn't have to waste her own dough helping me out.  Don't deny it mommy, I respect your frugality.  Plus, I actually love that scraper and hope it lasts so that I don't have to spend MY money on a new one.

Oh well, Thanksgiving is gonna be different from now on.  It's also gonna be several seasons before I am able to get home for some real egg nog.  It's cool.  I'm over it already.  Know why?