Treasure Trove

As per my usual, I have several renovation projects going on at once inside my home.  I can't seem to focus my attention on just one because I get bored from the pure tedium that's often required to finish a task quickly.  Additionally, I think I have ADHD because if I sit still too long, I ruminate on what I should do next, then hurry up and get started on what I just spent 10 minutes thinking about.  Then because of the ADHD, I find that I am bored from the pure tedium that's often required to finish a task quickly....  Get it?  What's been on my agenda for the last month?  Building a food storage room.  We started out just ripping up tile:

But before I could finish that, Jared and I found 2 holes that had not been repaired properly, which then required us to rip out a closet before I had planned to:

I would like to mention for the record that I usually sit around and let Jared and my dumb brother Jeff do most of the demolition work because I have a weird hatred of dust and rocks in my hair.  I also worry about scratching up my hands or arms which I happen to detest as well.  However, since my jerk brother Jeff is 2,500 miles away, I actually had to get busy and help a little more with the grunt work this time.  Know what hasn't changed?  The exasperated look my lover has whenever I convince him to help me with another ridiculous project:

Thankfully for Jared, the previous owner of our house was an unfastidious wiener, and thus stuffed quite an assortment of junk into the closet that I thought only held a water main pipe and some screens.  What did I find?

• Shower head
• A long pipe with a bend in it that I straddled to make it look like I had a penis
• Knee Brace
• Military cap of some type
• Rebar spikes
• Decorative shelving 
• Mandolin (food kind - not musical kind - one of my midwife partners thought I had a real find)
• Pipe with tobacco still in it

Since I continue to be amazed and irritated with Maria (the previous owner in case you've forgotten), I of course began to complain to anyone that would listen about what an uncleanly idiot she was.  It started innocently enough with pics like this:

But quickly began to go downhill starting with this picture I sent to my midwife partners:

It ended distastefully if not predictably with the following pic sent to my family:

During one thread, my dad had the audacity to ask why I hadn't found a dead body, to which I had to admit I couldn't be so lucky.  I believe my exact response was:

Although the treasures I found were absolutely worthless, the conversation it sparked was priceless.  And just because the conversation was everything Maria, don't think for one instant I've stopped hating you...  Oh, and I'm keeping the pipe...