Will you Marry Me Amazon?

I HATE shopping and always have.  About 4 or 5 years ago, I discovered Amazon at Christmas time and began to use it almost exclusively for my holiday shopping.  About a year ago, I began to realize that Amazon is often at least as inexpensive as any of the box stores and as long as I spent enough, shipping was usually free.  This meant I could buy the thing I wanted (as long as I thought about it with enough time for my item to ship) and never have to leave my house to get said item.  This system was working pretty well until I mentioned to one of my new midwife partners that it was a bummer when I only needed one thing because my cheap self would rather drive to the store than pay for shipping.  Chelsea said, "Have you thought about paying for Amazon Prime?"  She tried to espouse all the wonderful things about it, but given my cheap streak, I didn't think I would be able to justify the cost of a membership just to be able to ship a single item for free here and there. 

It wasn't until I became fed up with the limited streaming videos on Netflix that I decided to listen to Chelsea's sage advice.  I canceled Netflix, purchased Amazon prime which comes with streaming video, and even splurged a little extra to purchase one of the streaming movie channels they offer.  It actually ends up being less than I was paying for Netflix, but now I get free shipping on any Prime item...  Even if it's only one thing.  Additionally, they usually try to get your Prime items to you in anywhere from 1 to 3 days.  EXCUSE ME?!  When Chelsea was telling me all about the perks, I thought she was exaggerating, but apparently it's true.

Christmastime came and I did my usual thing, but it wasn't until the holidays were over that I really began to realize my true potential with Amazon.  What have I ordered?  Well, a giant bottle of Lestoil which is this stinky cleaner that Renee the frat house owner likes.  Then 2 days later, I needed a gift for her daughter's birthday so I ordered one pair of socks.  3 days ago, I got a free gift card for signing up for a credit card on Amazon which I immediately cancelled (one of my other scams I constantly am running with Amazon) and purchased 2 boxes of diapers and wipes for a friend of mine in Wyoming.  Do you know how awesome it was to send a gift like that and not have to pay for it... plus have it shipped for free?!  Only those who know me well will understand how wonderful Amazon makes my cheap heart feel!

My crowning moment came when I noticed my retractable ID badge holder was fraying on Monday night while I was on call.  I purchased the holder in the hospital gift shop for 6 bucks about 6 months ago.  It wasn't the one I really liked but there was no way I was going to pay 20 dollars for a stupid badge holder.  Heck, I even thought 6 bucks was steep for something so stupid...  Anyhoo, as I laid there in the call room, I wondered for the umpteenth time whether I could find what I needed on Amazon - even though I already knew the answer was going to be yes.  Not only did I find nearly the exact same kind, but I found a bag of 12 of them.  By the time my free shipping was taken care of, it only cost me 6.50 to have them shipped.  They arrived 2 days later on my Wednesday call shift so I found them this morning when I got back home.  Here they are:

And look how similar one of the new blue ones is to my old one!

A thing of beauty, no?  For a full minute, I considered storming into the gift shop and demanding to know why they were charging so darn much for something I got for the 12th of the cost PLUS FREE SHIPPING!  However, since I would have had to leave the house, I decided it was better to let sleeping dogs lie.  Plus, I don't want those jerks to find out how great Amazon is.  If they got their shipping for free, they might charge even more money for the crap they are trying to sell in there! 

Listen people, I love Amazon so much that I have considered dumping Jared for them.  However, I would miss the sex and because he does laundry, I can never let him go.  I guess I could search on Amazon for sex and laundry services... just to see if I could find them... which I'm half suspecting I could...but since Jared has never once called me fat, loud, obnoxious, or ridiculous, I probably better keep him for my emotional status quo.  That's right!  I love you Amazon!  I'm guessing I always will, and my husband (and everyone else) is just going to have to be ok with that fact...