Cool Refreshment

Recently, I stumbled upon an invention that I have oogled for many years, but have never gotten around to buying for myself...

That my friends is a 64 ounce insulated soda mug.  When I finally decided to plunge into such a commitment, I had the option to downsize my habit to a more reasonable 32 ounce size.  However, let's get real.  32 ounces is essentially a sip of soda to me so I know I'd be spending way too much time and money refilling that sucker.  Besides, I'm budget conscious and when I can refill a 64 ounce soda for the same price as a 32 ounce soda...  Well, you do the math. 

I found the mug on a day that was 90+ degrees and high humidity.  I had been working in my yard and was so hot and thirsty, but couldn't seem to get my thirst quenched because my ice maker couldn't keep up with all of the ice we'd been using that day, and thus, had been empty for hours.  Plus, the water out of my tap is not that cold in the summer, so it just seemed to compound my problem.  I felt so desperate at one point, I seriously considered just sucking on my arm to make good use of all the sweat that refuses to dry out here when it's humid.  However, I came to my senses and rode to my favorite watering hole to see if their ice and Diet Dr. Pepper could finally bust my thirst.  When I arrived, they had run out of ice too,which for a split second, made me panic.  Just as I was turning around to strangle the dude at the cash register for the lack of ice, I spied the afore mentioned mug!  I bought one for Jared, one for me, then bought a bag of ice to fill them with and bingo!  I was back in business.

I drained my 64 ounces of Diet DP by the time we had driven home, so I set my mug by my bed to sip on the water melting off the remaining ice...  WHICH BARELY MELTED ALL NIGHT LONG BECAUSE IT'S INSULATED!  When I realized how fantastic my giant mug was, I began texting and calling all my friends and family to share the good news.  A few of my loved ones pretended to care.  A few tried to tell me that I had a very bad habit.  I of course ignored them and am now looking for more tolerant friends to replace them with.  My daughter Kayley was somewhat rude about my new treasure.  I think she's holding a grudge because of this:

Hannah and I may have lied for two days about how I purchased a yellow Barracuda when Kayley moved out.  We told her I have lots more money now that she's not sucking my teats anymore, so decided to buy the one car she wishes she could have.  I showed her the above picture to prove that it had happened, but she totally accused me of photoshopping the pic and then started copping an attitude about my mug.  To punish her for her insolent behavior, I began to send lots of pics and texts about how happy I was drinking out of my mug.  At one point, I took one of me drinking out of Jared's mug which I didn't know was filled with ice water:

I was so disgusted, I had to hurry and wash out the ice water in my mouth with Diet Dr. Pepper so as not to upset my delicate balance.  In my haste to cleanse myself, I forgot to send my annoying pic to Kayley!  I did manage to perform a scientific experiment on Kayley's behalf quite by accident the next day.  The accident came about because I didn't want to haul my giant addiction into work with me since I don't want my patients to think they can go around drinking soda like an idiot!  To be a good example, I decided to leave the mug in my truck in 90 degree humid weather for 3 hours while I did the afternoon clinic.  When I came out, my drink was still cold and my ice had barely melted!  I immediately broadcasted the miracle to Jared and the girls, but not only were Hannah and Kayley not impressed, Hannah openly mocked me!  Later that night, I took my lover to see The Who in concert, but decided to leave my mug home because I didn't want anyone to steal it.  While I was having my eardrums blasted out of my skull at the concert, Hannah sent threatening texts about my mug along with this:

She hijacked my mug and no amount of distant verbal abuse got her to leave it alone!  I wanted to stay mad and even tried to hold a grudge, but my awesome new mug still had ice in it when I got back from the concert.  Whatever Kayley and Hannah.  Be rude if you want.  I don't need friends because I have a giant insulated soda mug.  In fact, I could really use a soda right now.  Think I'll hop in my car and go get one...