Where or where has my little dog gone...?

Over three months since I've written?  Are you kidding me?  Where have I been you might ask?  Well, to be honest, I was going through some major stressors and ended up with some fairly deep depression.  Not as bad as the postpartum depression I got after Hannah mind you - no hiding in closets or trying to plan my escape from my life...  Nah, this time I just cried a lot and spent inordinate amounts of time blaming myself for every decision I have made in the last two years.  For anyone that has suffered from depression, it can be really difficult to function, let alone do anything extra like maintain a blog.  In addition, because I am still not rich or famous, even after blogging about all the douchy things I do all the time, I figured no one was paying any attention to me so I decided to give up the blog forever.  Even after giving up the blog, my despair continued to deepen.  When I couldn't take it one moment longer, I found this nice male psychologist who laughed at my jokes, told me that he thought I was coping well with everything, and to continue forward living my life.  He gave me a few voodoo tricks to use when I was feeling really down and after a few sessions, I was right as rain.  We never really got around to discussing my blog because I had given it up before I met him.  I'm sort of glad now because I'm pretty sure our counseling sessions would have taken a completely different turn if he knew what I was really like.

Since several people (two) had heard about my blog and wanted the address, I decided it was probably time to get going on it again.  Plus, when my emotions are stable, I am far more likely to sit around being a giant douche and therefore have lots of potential posts to share.   What have my fans missed for the last several months?  Well, a lot to be honest.  Too much for me to discuss all in one sitting in fact.  However, here are a few highlights...

• I discovered the foundation to what Jared thinks is a sizable old garage in my garden space.  Add in the four stumps I already knew I needed to remove from back there and the digging we have been doing has turned the garden area into a trench any WWI history buff would be proud to see - minus the land mines of course...

• Rhode Island, like the rest of the East Coast, has been stuck in a heat wave.  The amount of sweating I have done this summer could have been conserved to water the entire area of my trench warfare reenactment... provided I had thought ahead sooner...

• I bought a canoe for my upcoming camping trip and when I took it out on a second run, I spent a good 30 minutes going around in a big circle, yelling at Hannah the whole time to stop paddling like an idiot.  When Jared arrived to the lake we were paddling on, he quickly determined that we were sitting in the canoe backwards.  For anyone that has ever wondered what would happen if you paddled in a backwards canoe...  well, read above.

I've had lots more adventures these last couple of months but by far my favorite may have happened yesterday.  I had taken the kids to the Six Flags water park just to escape the oppressive heat and humidity.  When we finally walked into the water park section, I was sweating so profusely, I almost could not peel my clothes off.  Then when I tried to get my swimsuit on, I almost couldn't pull it up.  Do you know how uncomfortable it is to try and yank a swimsuit over your fat belly and instead you just stand there watching your belly button writhe around on the jiggling fat boat it lives in as you yank it to and fro?  Do you know how awful it is to try to answer all the embarrassing questions your kids are asking at the tops of their lungs about why you can't pull your suit up over your large caboose?  Luckily, I have no pride, so I just kept at my ridiculous fat dance until mission was accomplished - detractors be damned.  I did have a moment of sadness when I realized my grandmother used to do the same dance getting her girdle on in the mornings and I had asked all the same questions of her that my kids asked me yesterday.  All it took was a little humidity to put me in my place.  Sorry Camilla D...  you deserved better.

If you think for one second that was the best part of the day, then you would be mistaken!  The best part was when Bubba, who had worn her suit to the park, realized she had forgotten her panties.  When she peeled her wet suit off (with some difficulty I might add) I told her just to go commando and wear her shorts home.  She looked at me with a look of terror and began to kick and whine and scream about going commando.  "I can't stand the way that feels mom! I can't go without my panties!"  It didn't take me long to realize that this was a battle I did not care to win because I certainly wouldn't have any peace if I did.  I asked her what her plan was and that wet suit was back on in a flash.  A kid that won't go commando?  Isn't there some sort of mental health or child development questionnaire that deducts points from a kid NOT willing to ditch their skivvies?  This can't possibly be normal.  Besides, she's my kid, which automatically means she's willing to compromise on all sorts of daily functions from hygiene to sleeping arrangements.  And if you don't like my genetics argument, then how about this:

We've spent a lot of time at RI beaches this summer to beat the heat.  This happens to be at Fort Wetherill.  Bubba announced quite quickly after getting in that she had peed.  A few weeks before, she had asked at Beavertail State Park if she could pee in the ocean for fun.  I of course said yes and down to the surf she raced, eager to share her bodily fluids with the marine life lucky enough to swim her way.  Now, you tell me why a kid who LOVES to urinate in the ocean, has the class to boycott commando status?  It makes no sense!  

Oh well, as usual, I'm not going to discourage weird behavior with very much gusto, because at least it gives me something to blog about!  That's right Dr. McGlinchey!  I'm back.  And you should have done your homework before telling me I was A-ok, because I'll likely only get worse from here...