Sayanora Shoog

Kayley, my eldest baby, left for home yesterday.  As in her home.  In Idaho.  Because she's 18 and doesn't live with her mommy anymore.  In some ways, I'm grateful it took so long to sell my house in Idaho because I've gotten used to not living with her anymore.  I told Jared when we dropped her off at the airport that I wondered if that's why I didn't feel booby about seeing her go.  He said it was possible, but that he thought the real reason I wasn't emotional was because we had raised her right and that she's ready to live on her own.  Whatever the reason for my lack of tears, I actually do really like Kayley and have appreciated the relationship I have with her.  Over the course of the last year, I began to think of her as my friend, and I miss her now that she's gone.

What did we do on our last day together?  Well, Kayley had to check in for her flight first thing in the morning on Sunday.  How early?  Well look at this conversation I had with Jared about it:

Her early flight was a direct consequence of my endless cheapness.  That early hour saved me 300 bucks, but man did it suck getting up at 4:30 to drop her off...  More on that later...  After I forced Kayley to wake up early to check in for her flight, I forced all of my kids to go to church yesterday, then forced them to go see a "gorge" that sits between Rhode Island and Massachusetts.  It was essentially a part of the Blackstone River and was supposed to have a waterfall that used to power the mills that were once a huge part of the economy in Rhode Island and Massachusetts.  It certainly did not meet my vision of what I think a gorge should look like given that I come from the West.  The "waterfall" also left much to be desired considering that I come from Idaho and we have a fair number of decent waterfalls around the Gem State...  Just look at this example from Jared's last trip to Shoshone Falls with my girls before he left for Rhode Island.  You can't see the height, but baby, that whitewater should tell you how high and fast that water was running over the falls:

Although the gorge and falls were small, like all of New England, it was lovely, and the lack of "gorgeness" and "waterfallness" meant the walking we did was non-strenuous and pleasant.  Here's me being inappropriate in front of the falls:

And my girls being sweet in front of the "waterfall."

If you are wondering why I only have four girls in the picture, it's because Hannah was in one of her moods.  Because it was my last day with Kayley, I think the heavens smiled upon me and blessed me with a picture of Hannah's elusive pout.  It's VERY difficult to catch on film, so I was thrilled when I actually captured it in all of its glory:

I know.  She's precious.  I wanted to drag them to go look at the only covered bridge in Rhode Island, but Kayley had lost her wallet the day before (and my credit card though I didn't know it until later) so we needed to head home to find it so she could actually board the plane the next day.  Thankfully, Kayley managed to find it at Target when we got back from the falls and I said a silent thanks to heaven for the wallet's safe return.  It would have been nice to keep her in Rhode Island a few more weeks while we had a new driver's license mailed, but Kayley moving on was necessary too.

We had a nice dinner together, then I spent the evening kicking myself for being so damn cheap again, because when I set the alarm to wake up at 4:30 AM the next morning, it made me physically sick.  How did I do when the alarm actually went off?  Pretty great because I totally went to the airport AND physically went inside to watch Kayley go through security in my pajamas.  My pajamas consist of some sweat pants and a night shirt that goes to my knees with the following astrological sign:

Just as a side note, I am not a Gemini, but my mom inherited that nightshirt from someone and I inherited it from her.  To make myself extra classy, I did not tuck in the nightshirt during the airport trip and I also did not wear a bra.  You are welcome.  Here's what Kayley wore to the airport:

And here's a pic of her going through security...  Which she hated...

I hated it for her and though she expressed some disdain about the whole thing, I warned her to behave respectfully even though I never do at airports.  I reminded her that I am actually surprised I have never been arrested and so cautioned her to behave.  Thankfully, she listened and managed to board her flight just fine.  My idiot brother picked her up in Salt Lake City and it sounds like she's settled back into her old life without her mommy just fine. 

18 years flies by fast people.  I raised one whole baby and she's pretty amazing.  Don't forget about me Kayley.  I'm the loud and obnoxious woman that did a lot of nice things for you while you were growing up.  My name is Rachel.  Call me sometime?   

Hiatus

It's been nearly a month since my last post and in case anyone is tempted to accuse me of not having any adventures, the reality is that I've had so many adventures, I haven't had time to blog about them.  As proof, I could brag about all the beaches I've shown Jared and the girls since they arrived:

But maybe there's other folks out there like my Hannah who says she hates Rhode Island, the ocean, and the fact that you often have to ask for mayo on your sandwich at local shops out here instead of assuming they will automatically make your sammy with mayo.  If you're like Hannah, maybe all my beach combing won't impress you.

I could brag about how close we live to a Six Flags and that we've gone twice in the last three weeks. I possibly might add that we got rained out of Six Flags today while we stood and watched an impressive New England rainstorm which are an adventure even when they DON'T happen at Six Flags:

But, if you're like Hannah and you've already sat in the car twice during outings where a summer rain was in progress, then complained about how much water Rhode Island gets, well then maybe that doesn't seem like much of an adventure to you either.

I could discuss how I helped Hannah write a resume since my last blog post.  But since I turned my good deed into something creepy and wrong that Hannah didn't even notice...

well, maybe that's no big deal to anyone either.

Perhaps someone would like to hear about the conference I went to in Philadelphia last week.  In my downtime I saw the liberty bell...

The rocky statue...

And a dead saint whose remains hang out in this shrine at a local church...

I told Jared I wanted him to investigate whether it was a real dead saint or just a mannequin.  I thought people deserved to know if the Catholic Church was covering up some big plastic mannequin scandal and I demanded he get busy figuring it out.  As usual, my lover cares about almost nothing and wouldn't help with my expose.  The day we went to see saint Neumann was so hot and muggy that I hung out in the shrine just for the AC for about 30 minutes.  I would have stayed longer but mass was about to start and religion on my day off isn't worth the comfort of AC.  Turns out Google was more helpful than Jared cause after I escaped mass, I discovered that father Neumann has a wax mask that covers his face.  That explains why he looked like a mannequin, and though I no longer had to worry about a Catholic cover up, I was still disappointed I didn't get to see him in the state I'm sure God intended.  I thought about badgering Jared into helping me start a "Natural Neumann" movement, but I could immediately discern that was an adventure I'd have to take on myself and since I'm lazy, nothing will ever come of it...  sorry adoring fans.

What else did I do during my blogging hiatus?  Well, I've started making repairs to my walls, began stripping paint off my banisters, dug up more rogue plants from the jungle the previous owner left me in my yard, and spent time taking  pics of Jared and me naked in bed without showing that we were naked in bed, even though I've forgotten what I originally planned to do with such photos:

I've also still been battling the rash I started during the doomed exodus to the east that I discussed in my last post.  See people?  I wasn't gone from your lives for no good reason.  I've been really busy.  I hope this teaches you a thing or two about respecting my time off...

The Cosmic Joke

On June first, I watched my eldest baby graduate from high school.  It was a strange experience when I considered how quickly 18 years had flown by.  It was also bizarre because I don't feel old enough to have raised a child, but then Jared reminded me that Kayley actually raised us and thinks she's a better parent than either Jared or myself, so I guess I'm NOT old enough to have a grown up baby.  Just to prove that I am the adult and am a good mother, here's Jared and me trying to lick the graduate's ears...

I not only came home for the above graduation, but I also came home to pick up my brood and take them to Rhode Island so that we can finally be a family again.  I have been telling my coworkers for weeks what a circus this final Exodus to the East was going to be, but had no idea how prophetic my words would become.  From now on, we will refer to this experience as "The Cosmic Joke," because that's the only way to describe what has happened without using a string of foul expletives.  To illustrate what has happened to me over the last four days, I have decided to include a lovely timeline for your enjoyment:

• May 31st, 2017 8:00 PM - Receive a phone call from the UHaul in Idaho Falls with whom I had reserved a 26 foot moving truck one month prior.  Listen to the UHaul employee tell me she did not have the truck I had reserved.  Try not to call her an idiot when she says, "we have managed to find you another truck and it's in a little town north of Idaho Falls called Rexburg.  Do you need directions?"  Resist the urge to inform her that if someone is reserving a truck in Idaho Falls and is moving it one way to East Providence, Rhode Island, that person is likely familiar with the area surrounding Idaho Falls.  Snarkily demand answers for why a reservation is required for a truck that I now have to travel one extra hour and 60 extra miles to retrieve from someone completely different than the location I had originally reserved it with.  Since no real answers nor solutions are forthcoming, remember I don't work for a crappy company like UHaul and don't have to deal with rude customers like me...   

• June 1st, 2017 11:00 AM - Despite being late getting the truck we needed, Jared's coworkers load the truck in 2 hours.  Be convinced that Jared is probably sleeping with someone besides me to get good help like that, but refrain from pointing fingers because of how relieved I feel to believe that things will probably go smoothly from that point on... 

• June 1st, 2017 5:00 PM - Get to my parents house with food from Texas Roadhouse, only to realize they forgot some of our order.  Wait 1.5 hours for my sweet brother in law to be able to bring the rest to us.  Gorge myself on ribs until I feel sick.

• June 1st, 2017 8:30 PM - Feel relieved and a little sad that Kayley is a high school graduate.  Insult my mom on Snapchat when she tries to tell Kayley something nice:

• June 2nd, 2017 10:30 AM -Leave Idaho Falls for North Platte, NE 3 hours behind schedule and after only 3 hours of sleep from trying to finish packing the moving truck.  Cry 15 times in front of my dad who tells me to stop crying about everything, only to see the hypocrite cry when I finally leave his house.   

• June 2nd, 2017 1:00 PM - Hit Jackson Hole, Wyoming.  Begin to realize we are never going to make it to North Platte if everyone keeps needing to pee every hour.  Instantly realize I need to pee and demand that the caravan stop. 

• June 3rd, 2017 2:00 AM - Arrive in North Platte, NE after endless stops which I blamed squarely on the shoulders of my fellow travelers despite my own unscheduled stops.  Found out the suite we rented had a Jacuzzi tub.  Try to get my lover to crawl in with me even though he's exhausted and is asleep on the floor, and even with my good friend Lynda sleeping in the same suite with us.  After he refuses, tub with my 3 youngest kids.  Grumble silently when Kayley won't come in to take pictures for the blog.

• June 3rd, 2017 10:00 AM - Leave North Platte, NE for Davenport, IA 2 hours behind schedule because the cell phone that the alarm was set on did not automatically adjust to local time.  Say 3 bad words under my breath because I know in 30 minutes I'm going to need to pee and I'm not sure one of the other idiots I'm traveling with can take the heat for it yet.

• June 3rd, 2017 12:00 PM - After mentioning what great time we were making on our way, decide to stop in Council Bluffs, IA for gas.  Notice the rash I left Rhode Island with is spreading, getting itchier, and really bugging me.  Try to start our red Chevy truck after gas up and realize the engine won't crank.  Begin to scratch my rash like a dog with fleas.

• June 3rd, 2017 6:00 PM - Test the battery, replace the starter in the truck, still engine won't crank.  Call a tow truck and pay a dude with no teeth, a nasty goatee, and a strong cigarette odor $107.00 to tow the Chevy to a local repair shop that will take a look at it the next day.  Wonder if we should do something with our motorcycles but realize we have no way to transport them nor ability to store them anywhere else.  Watch the tow truck take them away and tease Jared that he's never going to make it to Rhode Island while cancelling our hotel reservation in Davenport, IA.  Make a hotel reservation 26 miles away in Omaha, NE since there is no vacancy in Council Bluffs, IA

• June 4th, 2017 8:45 AM - Get a phone call from the repair place that someone broke the window of the truck during the night.  Be advised he has no security cameras, but make a police report anyway.  Pleasant mechanic says he will get to the truck when he can.  Hannah advises me she ran into the wall at the hotel while trying to get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and hit her eyebrow.  My friend Lynda (who was crazy enough to come with us) tells me the garbage is filled with bloody paper towels and Kayley mentions that Hannah hit the wall so loud it woke both her and Lynda up.  I say a silent prayer to the heavens that the maids don't think something creepy was going on.

• June 4th, 2017 1:00 PM - Mechanic calls back.  Turns out someone tried to hotwire the truck (probably for my sexy motorcycles) so now the repair place won't try to fix it.  Have the truck towed to the local dealership which is closed and schedule a repair time for 2:30 PM the next day.  Say a loud expletive to heaven, then say a silent prayer that no one tries to steal the car again at the dealer.  Hannah points out that the thieves are idiots FOR TRYING TO HOTWIRE A TRUCK AT A REPAIR PLACE!  My rash increases in itchiness by tenfold.  I notice I have new eruptions on my foot.  Cancel my hotel reservation in Salamanca, NY and reserve another night in Omaha, NE.

• June 4th, 2017 2:00 PM - Get free passes from the hotel for a waterslide at a local fitness center.  Say another silent prayer that God will forgive me for breaking the Sabbath to take the kids swimming.  Justify the behavior by thinking that if God loved me, I wouldn't be stuck in Omaha, NE.

• June 4th, 2017 2:30 PM - Suddenly realize we got directions to the wrong fitness center and have walked 1.5 miles out of our way.  Turn around and start walking for the waterslide anyway because now I need to wash off the SWASS I have from walking in 91 degree weather with humidity.

• June 4th, 2017 3:30 PM  - Go down the waterslide once and have a good time.  Get in line for another ride and have the lifeguards kick everyone out of the pool right before my turn so they can take their hourly 15 minute break.

• June 4th, 2017 3:50 PM - Go down the waterslide another time and get in line for a third.  Get kicked off again right before my turn because now some kid has pooped in the pool and they have to decontaminate.  Start to complain about stupid kids that shut down the pool.  Look at Lily and realize she's shut down a pool twice for vomiting in it.  Decide to let the poop crime slide.

• June 4th, 2017 5:00 PM - Get in line for another ride down the waterslide once the poop emergency has been cleared.  Have the lifeguards tell you the slide is closed for the night.  Say a swear in your mind because you realize you shouldn't have broken the Sabbath day for such a lame experience.  Walk back to the hotel in 91 degree weather with humidity.  Notice the "back way" to the hotel and realize you could have walked to the waterslide in 18 minutes if you hadn't been a douche canoe at the start of the trip.

• June 4th, 2017 6:00 PM - Finish eating Chinese food and have Hannah read the following fortune:

• June 4th, 6:01 PM - Tell the universe "up yours."

• June 4th, 2017 7:35 PM - Do some blogging while watching my kids swim at my own hotel.  Realize again I am supposed to be landing in East Providence late tomorrow afternoon.  Think about saying another swear because I have no idea what's going to happen and when I'm going to make it home.  Yell at my daughter Lily and demand she stop peeing in the pool or I'll take her back to the hotel room for the night.  Realize that it's wonderful to be back with my children and Jared again even if this "Cosmic Joke" feels like it will never end.

That's the end of my journal so far.  For those that love and care for me or my family, say a prayer that everything works out with the truck tomorrow and that we are able to leave for Rhode Island again.  For those of you that hate me and are glad for my troubles:

  

What a Week

At last, it has happened:

Yep.  There I am in the foyer of my new home in East Providence.  I love the staircase and also the tin ceilings which are on a goodly portion of my ceilings in the new place.  I am trying not to feel overwhelmed as there is lots to do, but since I know how to do what needs to be done, life should be busy but productive.  I'm a little frustrated with the seller since she filled my recycling bin with regular trash, didn't disclose that the dishwasher was really a shit show, and put her furniture over the repairs that needed to be done on the wood floors during the showing of the house.  However, she left me three porno movies, a golf club shoe horn, and pubes and toenails in my downstairs shower drain, so I have decided she's a really classy lady and that I probably might try to be her BFF someday...  In your dreams Maria.  Don't let the door hit you on the butt on your way out...

Want to know what I was doing 2 days ago?

Unpacking.  That's what.  That pic is of the trunk of my car.  It has looked like that for one year.  Let's reiterate again that I underestimated how long this adventure to Rhode Island would take to complete.  However, I had forgotten that I had purchased a new waffle maker and had it stashed at the back of the trunk.  Do you know how excited I am to have waffles tomorrow?...  Damn.  That's how...

Know what I was doing one week ago? 

FaceTimeing my lover for his anniversary.  We normally try to go to dinner and a movie for our anniversary, followed by some naked time.  No naked time or dinner this year, but Jared took himself out to see Guardians of the Galaxy Two without me.  I know.  Classy guy.  I might compare him to Maria my seller, but he's never given me a porno, let alone three, so Maria remains my BFF...  Sorry dude....

Know what I did 8 days ago?  I rode a bus to NYC to meet up with some friends from Rexburg, including one of my students that took my old job, Marie.  Here I am bringing her some cookies:

And here we all are at the Museum of Natural History by a dino head:

Those Idaho gals wanted to go to the Museum because they thought it would look like the movie "Night at the Museum."  In case you were wondering, it didn't.  At all...  But it did have a Teddy Roosevelt statue that I spent some time molesting...

The museum was a bit of a bust, but it was nice to see some familiar faces from the west and walk around Central Park for the first time.  The highlight of the visit for me was on the bus ride home when Marie texted to let me know she had given away the rest of my cookies to a homeless lady.  Hope she enjoyed them.  I am a rather good cookie baker. 

Now that you've seen my week in reverse, here it is in real time:

That's right.  That's me sitting on my new bed in my nearly empty house, waiting for the rest of my family to arrive.  It's been a long year and I am really looking forward to having some chaos back in my life.  I also can't wait to have kids to yell at again and a husband to have naked time with, provided he stops going to see movies without me.  Goodnight everyone.  Let's hope the upcoming week is as happy as my last has been... 

Writer's Block

For the last couple of days, I've been feeling really desperate for ideas since I've been unable to come up with a blog post for about 2 weeks.  It just so happens that I have a really ridiculous cadre of friends and am related to an even more ridiculous branch of the human race.  As such, I began trolling my friends and family yesterday for blog ideas in the hope that some new inspiration would come my way.  I almost posted the inappropriate conversation I had with my eldest daughter about ejaculation, but for once, decided to give my mom a break and won't discuss it here.  If you are interested, please text me and I will be happy to forward the thread just like I did for my friends Kareena and Sarah.  In case you're wondering mom.  I was hilarious...  As usual...

Even though I didn't post Kayley's conversation about ejaculation, she did mention that she recently let a hugely disgusting fart in band that another kid got blamed for.  The kid that took the hit has Scoliosis and is quite awkward but is also kind, so it made me feel horrible that Kayley didn't step up to the plate and claim her offensiveness.  She had a lame excuse for being such a tool, but as she discussed her foul stench, I suddenly remembered that one of my favorite fart stories involves my dad.  Upon this realization, I felt like an idiot for not outing him openly on my blog before now!

Out west, there's a farm supply chain called Cal Ranch.  My kids love to visit there especially during chick season since the live birds they sell are so darn cute.  You know what I mean?  Soft, small little peepers that eventually grow up to become pooping, stinking creatures that also make delicious eggs?  AKA chickens?  Anyway, one day, my dad and mom were wandering around in Cal Ranch and my dad decided to pull one of his usual fart bombs on my mom.  As some background information, my mom can't smell very well so dad likes to fart, leave the aisle, and wait for someone to stumble on my mom in the cloud that she can't smell but they now can.  I'm sure to the untrained observer, she looks like she's totally trying to pretend she didn't fart when in reality, she just can't smell it so she can't implicate the butthole it came out of, nor does she know to vacate the area for her own health and dignity...  Anyhoo, dad prepares to drop this huge fart bomb but pooped his pants instead, so while my mom finished her shopping, dad ran to the bathroom to take off his soiled underpants.  After a secret cleaning process which has never been revealed in various accounts of the tale, he wrapped his poopy drawers up in a paper towel and stashed them under his arm.  He then came out of the bathroom and wanted my mom to leave immediately to help him hide his shame.

My mother might not smell so good, but she's a whiz at making people really uncomfortable if the situation calls for it, so she pretended that she wasn't done shopping and made him wander around with his poop treasure under his arm.  It didn't take very long for one of the Cal Ranch employees to notice that my dad was acting strange and that he also had a package under his arm, so he started tailing my dad and mom through the store.  Dad started getting more anxious and pressed my mom to leave, while mom got more and more calm and determined to make dad pay for his accident.  Dad finally decided to leave without my mom with the observant employee hot on his tail.  Luckily for dad, the employee didn't follow him outside, so my dad's unfortunate shart remained a family secret...  Well, up until today...  Also luckily for dad, my Mom finally could see that the joke had played out and that she had won the day, so she finally left Cal Ranch and headed home with Mr. poopy pants. 

I absolutely love that story.  In fact, the only thing that would have made it better is if the employee had demanded to see what was under my dad's arm.  Can you imagine?  Oh what an even more delicious story that would have been.  Best part of all?  This is only ONE of my favorite fart/poop stories.  My whole family has a huge problem with pooping our pants.  I'm convinced it's genetic.  When I asked some of my siblings for fart stories, Patty reminded me of a "Code Brown" she had in a store while looking at Halloween decorations.  My brother Sam is probably still pooping his pants daily.  My brother Jameson recently had to skip a sporting event he had tickets to because he pooped HIS pants.  I've already blogged about one of my "incidents" and I admit without shame that it is not, nor ever will be, an isolated event for me.  Seriously people, this is a fantastic genetic problem to have!  My only regret?  Not remembering how important my roots were two weeks ago.  There's no reason why my writer's block had to last so long!       

Tar Heel State

This last week I was lucky enough to have 7 days off in a row.  Since airfare to Idaho is ridiculously expensive right now and the family will be moving to Rhode Island in about a month, I decided to save the cash for moving and take a less expensive road trip to see my friend Maren in North Carolina.  One of the best things about the trip was a rest stop bathroom in Pennsylvania:

I know.  There are no words.  It was fantastic.  Although I contemplated that the above video could potentially be the highlight of my trip, I decided to give NC a chance to impress me and finished my drive to Maren and Kevin:

They have been dating for about a year and pretty quickly after I landed, Maren announced they were engaged.  I have hung around these two before and wasn't surprised when Maren announced their upcoming nuptials.  I was quite happy about the announcement given how much time they spend kissing and spanking each other.  Truth be told, they are romantically disgusting pretty much constantly.  Since celibacy is pretty awful, it will be good for them to finally put their sexual energy to good use, wear themselves out, and become normal and productive members of society again.  Here's the happy couple in one of their many smooch fests:

Besides watching the North Carolina lovebirds, I also tried North Carolina boiled peanuts:

They are everywhere down there.  At the gas stations as depicted in the above pic, at sporting events, at all the farmer's markets...  It's like pizza strips in Rhode Island but instead of a delicious pizza strip, you get boiled peanuts.  I first ate them about a year ago when my sister cooked some up.  I thought they were grody then but figured it was my sister's failing.  I was wrong.  It's a failing of the peanut.  Sorry southerners, peanuts just weren't meant to be eaten this way.  Boiling them makes them hot, soggy, and ensures they will taste like the shell you cooked them in.  I don't know if you have heard of roasted and salted peanuts or honey roasted peanuts,  but they are much better than the horrible idea y'all had to boil them.  Heck, if you want a soft peanut, try my favorite preparation:  peanut butter!  Leave this peanut nonsense to the experts and use boiling water for something tasty... like mashed potatoes...

North Carolina had something else that was everywhere...

Yep, waterfalls.  And did you like that I tapped that lady in purple on the head?  She didn't seem to care but I had a great time bugging her.  I saw about 7 really great falls and could have seen about 20 more in the small area I was in if I wanted to hike any more than I already had.  Which I didn't...  which is why I only saw 7...  I also got to see a really cool cavern that was wet as could be.  So wet in fact, I didn't dare take out my camera for fear of water damage from all the moisture dripping off the cave ceiling. 

I also roasted weenies and s'mores around Maren and Kevin's firepit, but forgot to take pictures.  It's probably because I've sat around a million fires in my day and forgot how unusual that probably is for most people.  We made Caramelo S'mores out of some candy bars I had in the back of my car and man were they delicious!

I also went to a Baptist church the Sunday I was there.  Maren said sometimes they had a banjo player that sang hymns.  He didn't end up showing which I thought was false advertising on Maren's part, but the rest of the meeting was quite interesting.  I wanted to take pictures since I enjoyed myself immensely, but felt like I should probably be respectful on the Sabbath Day.  The preacher yelled a lot, flung spittle at least a mile, and played the piano to accompany all the prayers that were said.  There was also some random dude in the congregation that played the tambourine along with the 10 million hymns that were sung.  It was pure perfection.  I don't have any desire to convert, but I quite like Baptists and would invite them anywhere, especially if I could count on a banjo or tambourine coming with them!

I had a few other adventures but have no more pictures to prove myself with.  However, I can say that I like you North Carolina.  You're no Ocean State, but I've visited twice and would definitely come back...  Even if I do have to wade through stupid boiled peanuts to talk to you... 

April Fools

One year ago today, I kissed and hugged my sexy lover in the early morning darkness on my driveway in Idaho and set off alone for greener pastures in Rhode Island.  The day before, I took this selfie as I left my old job for the last time:

I had no idea as I walked out that door for the last time what an incredibly difficult and yet truly wonderful year lay before me.  I couldn't have dreamed just how many interesting people, things, and foods I would experience this year.  I also certainly didn't understand just how strong and resilient I really am, nor just how strong my children could be for that matter.  It took stepping out into the wide world and taking one day at a time to realize just how brave and awesome my kids, Jared, and I really can be when the chips are down.  Although there were many days that I wanted to give up and run home, endless kind words from friends and family helped me through my darkest moments and before I knew it, 365 days had passed.  I'm now on the other end and not only am I still alive, I'm thriving, and can admit that I love Rhode Island and am glad that I moved.  Besides my own efforts to mark this big day, I've had a few people independently comment on my anniversary as well.  Jared remembers kissing me and then watching my frost covered back car window recede into the darkness as he stood on the driveway to see me off.  I guess I could ask him how it made him feel to see me go, but he has only two emotions:

1.  Awake
2.  Asleep

Therefore, his ruminations are usually pretty worthless if you want some sort of meaningful discussion about anything relating to the deep musings of your soul.

My friend Alyssa also was thinking of my accomplishment.  She sent me this snap of her Facebook memories: 

I'd also like to include part of the goodbye card she gave me a year ago:

Yep.  Amazing isn't it?  And she's actually one of the classier people I know.

So what did I do besides wax poetic to commemorate my exodus to the East?  Well, I had a bunch of mundane responsibilities to attend to, but I did manage to explore three antique shops while drinking over 100 ounces of Diet Dr. Pepper.  It was glorious.  I even accidentally stumbled into this Christian thrift store that was blasting Christian rock over the loud speakers.

It made my day but Yelp was wrong.  It most certainly was NOT an antique or vintage store.  Oh well, if I've learned anything this year it's that you can't win them all!

For those of you that are surprised by my activities today, I know full well that April Fools Day is a holiday on which I should be thinking of ways to torture and humiliate others.  However, I torture and humiliate people almost every other day of my life, so instead, this day will probably forever be one of contemplation and reflection for me.  I can't help it.  What a year it's been!