We just got back from our annual family camping trip and due to the unanimous decision of my children, our destination was Bear Lake. Bear Lake is one of our favorite places to visit; mostly because there is a water source in which to soak our filthy crevices. This helps to prolong the camping tolerance because you feel somewhat cleaner than you would otherwise. I personally love camping because it forces my children to interact with each other instead of with technology. I also adore camping because it is one of the few times I can totally relax because cell phone service is terrible in the mountains so I know no one can bother me. This year my husband convinced me to leave my phone at home. It was exhilarating because I realized I CAN survive without my cell and this allowed for ultimate relaxation. We took very few pics because Jared forgot his charger and given that I wanted to have a phone in the case of an emergency, we left it off for nearly the entire week. Here we are on day three getting ready to go to the beach for the second time:
Let me mention that I have not combed my hair since the start of the vacation. This is a perfect time to mention my family camping rules:
- Brush your teeth morning and night
- Wash your hands after using the Biffy and before meals
- Wear your shoes in camp
- You can pee in the lake but don't you dare poop...
- Don't eat your campfire boogers
That last rule is because I am convinced that camping boogers are extra crunchy and carcinogenic from the campfire smoke. I believe there is some viable cancer research wrapped up in this tenet of mine and wish someone would look into it. I am very strict on number five and find myself yelling, "DON'T EAT THAT BOOGER!" a lot to my younger kids. In fact, my eight year old popped a particularly black specimen in her beak after I yelled at her and she said, "You saw me eat that?!" Hell yes I saw it you disgusting little girl... I digress... Given that my rule list while camping is very short, it makes for some VERY slovenly behavior among the camping family. I believe this to also be the inherent charm of this particular family outing. It allows children to be completely unfettered by any adult expectations and allows their immune systems to develop properly as they experiment with foul food, drink, and behavior choices. Need examples? My daughter and nephew ate melted chocolate from a stick they swirled into a pile from the ground when some dropped during S'mores time - complete with dirt and hair. The same nephew made dares to his cousins and had them eating burnt food from the campfire ashes while he munched on twigs and leaves. All the kids had dirty faces every day. It seemed like an exercise in futility to wash them given that within a few hours we would be bathing in the lake again and they could rinse them there.
Despite being off the grid, I found that I didn't need pictures to document my vacay because the same scenario plays out every year on the beach. The only thing that changes in all my pictures are the ages and number of children present. The scenario plays out as follows:
- My lovely spouse with his large white belly and epic farmer's tan sits on an inner tube in the sand wearing his bucket hat like a crown and surveying the water like a king looking over his domain
- The kids dig a hole to China
- We spend some time floating on tubes and tipping each other over
- I yell at everyone when we get back to camp when I notice how poorly I applied sunblock to everyone and promise to do better tomorrow
- Drive back to the lake the next day and repeat
Of course, sitting on the beach is another excuse to let the kids run wild because I estimate they eat three pounds of sand with their lunch every day. I haven't asked any of them, but I bet they poop out premade sand castles when we get home.
My brother in law showed up to hang with us and if you think his presence would encourage me to behave then you would be wrong. Dead wrong. In fact, he caught me doing something that drives my mom CRAZY!
I know it looks like I might be flipping off my sweet lover but the bird was indeed intended for Aaron. Can we also give a shout out to said lover who is a boss at roasting mallows even though he doesn't really like them and doesn't even eat S'mores?
Judge me for my lack of decorum if you wish, as usual I just don't care. If you think for one second I am damaging my family, just look at the only other pic I took. Even on the last day leaving, look how happy everyone still is! Also, note my nasty hair and the dark spot near my nose. I have NO idea what the heck that might be. I also have no idea how long it was there since it was only the second time I saw my face all week.
Yep, it was a successful trip as usual. I am back on the grid and have settled in nicely with my phone again. My children are clean and normal house rules apply. My nephews did not die despite the fact that my sister expects them to every year. The only problem is my lack of daily S'mores and... excuse me will you? I think I feel a sand poop coming on...
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