I'm a Pest

As everyone knows, I've been really busy these last few weeks getting my Idaho house sold and a new one purchased in RI.  Being thus occupied, I lost track of how quickly my days were flying by and didn't realize until today that I haven't blogged in nearly a week.  For one second, I panicked because I thought I might have forgotten to be interesting and funny while also taking care of my responsibilities this week.  However, it turns out that even when I'm busy, I'm still me.  This simple truth means that being annoying comes naturally to me, and that my friends, is always funny and interesting.  What did I accomplish?  For starters, I sent insults by texts to nearly everyone I know and/or care about.  Two of my favorites?  When my friend, Kareena sent me this:

I texted, "nice tits!"

And how about when my sister in law sent an update about her new baby:

I texted:  "ha ha.  You have a new baby... Sucker..."

I also spent time NOT feeling or showing empathy for others this week.  My best work was with my daughter, Hannah.  She texted me her yearbook pic for this year from the school she's leaving in about a month.  She was distraught because one of the girls in line called her FunDip...

I texted her that her hair does look like FunDip but to be proud.  Then I laughed hysterically to myself and shared my joy with my parents behind her back because, of all the backgrounds the school could have chosen, what are the odds it would match the shade Hannah's sporting right now?!  That's some hilarity I couldn't have planned even if I'd tried!  No empathy needed!

Insults, zero empathy... what else have I been up to you ask?  Well, I also threatened plenty of folks.  Like when my friend, Sarah told me she's struggling with an inconsiderate neighbor in her church that constantly judges her and gives her unsolicited advice.  Did I give her Christian advice to ignore his comments and let them roll off her back?  No!  I told her to flash this pic at the jerk next time she sees him:

And let's not forget my response to my brother in law when he suggested that Rhode Island beaches are less than interesting to him:

I should have told him, "fine!  Continue to rot in that disgusting wasteland you call, "Arizona," but I was already occupied insulting someone else and didn't have time to type such a long response.  As such, the picture had to do.

You might think I'm out of ideas for how to be annoying but never fear, I Snapchatted a bathroom pic while volunteering at the free clinic tonight:

You're right.  My volunteer work can't possibly balance out my dark soul, but at least it gave me something to blog about!