18 years ago today, this weirdo came into my life:
I don't mean the fascinating woman on the left, I mean you - the woman on the right. I remember the day I grunted you out almost like it was yesterday. I cannot believe that 18 years have passed and that I have somehow managed to turn you from a fetus:
Into this:
You are a lovely, talented, good natured, and all around delightful young woman. I have appreciated all the help you have given me through the years - especially this last year since you and Hannah have pretty much had to be the mommies in my home. I have actually been pondering your life a lot these last few months, since you aren't moving to Rhode Island with us. You get to start college in the fall and will have your own grown up life which doesn't include living with your mommy anymore. I'm sad that we won't get to hang around together like we used to, but I'm excited to see what you will make of the rest of your life.
Given that you are now technically my equal, I probably need to stop bossing you around like I normally do and treat you with some adult respect. Therefore, as my final bossing act, here are a few unsolicited parting words of advice that might help you on your continued journey into womanhood.
1. Love yourself. You are worth every penny I paid to get you to this point and if you don't love yourself, you can't expect it from anyone else.
2. Get as much education as you can. You're a woman and you need it. You never know what situations might arise in your life and the more education you have means you're going to be more likely to be able to support yourself should the need arise.
3. Don't be afraid to stand alone. Whether it's a moral decision, a new adventure, or just a trip to the mall, be comfortable in your ability to make decisions independent of everyone else if necessary.
4. Try every new food you can get your hands on. Life's too short to eat at McDonald's my friend, enough said.
5. Laugh as much as you possibly can and surround yourself with people that make you happy.
6. Avoid people that want you to be something you are not. Anyone who suggests they would like you better if you only looked, thought, or acted the way they wanted you to are not true friends. Run away from that type of lunatic as fast as you can!
7. Marry your best friend. I'm sorry that I already took the sexiest man out there, but hopefully you can find a strong second and have as much happiness as dad and I have had together through the years.
8. Face your fears and don't be afraid to try new things. It's an awesome world out there so go out and experience it!
Kayley, I have lots more advice to give, especially on topics relating to vaginal health, farting etiquette, and pregnancy. However, I can't tell you everything I know because I want you to have a reason to call me in the future. I love you honey. Happy Birthday.
Love,
Momma
Kayley! Stop getting older! Soon I probably won't be as cool as you currently think I am. You however, will only get more cool. I second all the advice your mom just gave you. That was some good shit.
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