Performance Anxiety

This blog has really become a nuisance.  I started it mainly to become rich and famous with legions of followers so that I could retire with a vast pile of Bitcoin. Unfortunately, I'm five months in and the only thing I've become is neurotic and paranoid trying to keep my creative juices flowing.  It's too much pressure!  I posted about the stupid record player (which has arrived already because of my secret love Amazon) and have been frantic for the last five days trying to come up with something fantastic.  I started taking random photos to see if I could work them into my dialog.  Like this one:

This is a bathroom shot of how awful I felt after consuming 10 pounds of watermelon and 2 servings of peaches and cream at my mom's.  Unfortunately, every angle I pitched just made me look like a dumbass for eating 10 pounds of watermelon and 2 servings of peaches and cream so I abandoned it.

I thought about this one:

This was me taking advantage of Sonic's Happy Hour yet again, but I go so often it's not news anymore.  I did appreciate Bubs unscripted slushy photo bomb though.

Whenever my back is against the wall I get desperate and mean.  My only viable option at that point, is to pester someone long enough that they give me something to blog about.  Thankfully the teenagers are reliable bait!  My first opportunity came when the eldest wanted my thoughts for a church lesson she was assigned.  I felt guilty for about ten minutes over my response, but as usual, I got over it:

I LOVE that she cursed at me.  I know I should have lectured her but I could just envision how crazy I make her with my shenanigans so I let it slide.  Plus, I'm hoping she'll get a bad rap with the mothers of the teenage boys she hangs around with and no one will date her again.  I'm still obsessed with her titties and want them unspoiled until college when I no longer can do anything about it anyway!

I probably could have left it at that but poked Hannah awhile for good measure. She was babysitting for me and I wanted my little ones to be alive when I got off work:

I was really hoping she'd call me out on the French kissing comment but she didn't care.  She was more concerned about me not blogging all about her crush, Patrick.  I told her all the hand holding she does is just a gateway to pregnancy but she reiterated she didn't want me blogging about Patrick.  Where am I supposed to get new material if she just blows my creepiness off?!  Just for that, here's the hand holder himself:

That face looks pretty harmless, plus Hannah doesn't have much mammary to tweak, so I think I may have dodged bullet one.  Also, I'm not sure what proper etiquette about posting pics of strangers is, but since I'm not making a dime on this blog, and because apparently Patrick comes from a DECENT family that would never read my posts, I think I've dodged bullet two.

So that's it!  I've got nothing else for you!  I'm disappointed with myself legion of fans.  Maybe I've peaked.  Maybe the well has run dry.  Maybe I need to blog about my dysfunctional bladder to get myself back on track.  Just don't give up on me... I couldn't take the rejection!