The Solid Gold Lamb

I went to my first 4-H auction yesterday.  My dad agreed to go to support a client's daughter and invited me along.  For those who do not know what the auction is all about, it is essentially a way for people to donate lots of cash for kiddos who are interested in raising farm animals.  Some folks keep the animals they purchase at exorbitant prices, but most just resell them to be butchered, or used for whatever other purpose someone might want a farm animal for.  Even though I have spent most of my life in rural Idaho, my family does not own land and the only animals we have cared for have been cats, dogs, and the occasional rodent.  Therefore, I never had a reason to attend a livestock auction of any kind and man have I been missing out!  I was mesmerized by the auctioneer:

He was just like any auctioneer I have ever seen in any TV show I have ever watched.  It was fantastic!  I wondered how they learn to do their job.  Is there an auctioneer school?  Do you practice in a mirror at home until you feel confident you can trick people into spending more money with your voice?  Does he come home and use it on his kids?  I fantasized how I would talk to my kids if I was an auctioneer.  In my head it sounded thusly:  "Ba ba badeee dee stop slapping your sister....  ba ba badee deee do I hear 10 spankings for sassing me?  10, 10, I have 10, now 11, can I hear 11, 11.....  Ba de dee daddy come beat your daughter please,  Can I have 11, 11, last call, I'm gonna sell it, and....SOLD  10 daddy spankings for sassing mommy!"

I was having a really hard time watching and listening both to the auctioneer and paying attention to the kids parading their animals around the ring for all to see.  There was just so much going on and I enjoyed myself immensely!  Finally, the little girl that my dad had agreed to help sponsor was parading her lamb around.  Her uncle came to talk about my dad's final price because you need someone to bid you up at these auctions.  Heaven forbid your livestock goes at a reasonable price after all!  Once the price was set, dad and the uncle drove up her price until her lamb named Lily (who was worth about 160 bucks according to market price) sold for, well, let's just say she sold for a helluva lot more than 160 dollars.  He bid so high I asked if the lamb was made of solid gold.  He even donated the lamb BACK to the girl and her family's farm so that she could visit Lily whenever she wanted and now would have plenty of money to start the scam all over again next year.  Here's the cutie, the solid gold lamb, and my folks:

My dad is such a sucker for kids.  Especially kids he likes.  I told him I thought it was sweet how much he was willing to donate for others and he told me to remember all the great things the girl could do with that money.  My response?  "Yeah, she'll use it to raise another solid gold lamb for you to buy next year!"

Despite my cynicism, I would totally attend another one of these things.  I cannot believe how interesting and fun it was to watch!  Animals pooping, squealing, mooing, dragging kids around, and again... that auctioneer was fabulous.  Just as the night was about to end I thought it couldn't get any better but Jared saw this goat who went for 500 bucks: 

He said to me, "that goat has an honest face!"  I thought maybe I had heard him wrong and said, "It's a damn goat!"  His response?  "A damn HONEST goat!"  I guess 4-H can work miracles with the white trash crowd and turn them into philosophers.  I wonder if I took Jared to a few more of these beauties if it might drive his love of professional wrestling away... Worth a shot isn't it?