Milestones

Today Bubba got to stop using her car seat.  In some ways this made me a little sad as I mourned the unalterable progress of time.  I no longer have a baby in my house; I just have horrible girls in varying ages.  Given that I am not a sensitive woman and I have very little time for nostalgia, I immediately began to ponder how this new milestone would benefit me.  Namely, that I now have one more female spawn who can fight over the middle seat of my van.  I dropped off the car seat and insisted the employee at the DI help me document the occasion:

He looks happy but seemed very confused when I told him I needed a pic of his service on my behalf.  Check out those sweet goggles though!  I can't even imagine what he's doing in the back of the thrift store if he needs that kind of eye protection.  I help in surgeries and I don't even use something that legit!

After the drop off I took the kids to Sonic for Happy Hour to celebrate.  They didn't know I was celebrating and neither did I until I remembered how great half price drinks are when you have five kids!  Look how thrilled Bub was to be in a big girl booster:

It took her exactly ten minutes after we got rid of her baby ride before she was yelling like a boss to keep her spot in the middle.  What a blessing!  I wanted to tell her not to be in a hurry to grow up.  There's some nice milestones in this life and some no one should be in a hurry to reach.  Like menarche.  That's a fancy word for your first period.  Or how about this disgusting problem...

That's right.  I'm anti genital grooming, but think every woman should keep their face as hairless as possible.  We need something special to keep us visually different from men.  Please don't use the excuse that women have boobs cause I've seen some flesh mounds on a few men that put my pitiful mammaries to shame.  My younger children watched me waxing a few weeks ago and after listening to me yell, "ouch!"  asked why I did it if it hurt so bad.  I told them their dad was really shallow and would divorce me if I didn't keep my beard under control.  They saw right through that and assured me Jared loved me no matter what and didn't care about my moustache.  I then told them "I care so I wax."  This is only half true.  I secretly worry that if I didn't wax my fuzzy upper lip that it would act like the loop part of a Velcro strap and his wiry man hair would be the stiff side.  You do the math people, we'd be stuck forever.  I can't let my children know anything scares me and I'm in the process of convincing them I cannot be killed.  I'm hoping they will stop pushing my buttons so much if they think I'm invincible and immortal.  It's a work in process so I'll have to let you know.

I have tried to be gracious about Bub's milestone because I reached one of my own and can only expect respect if I give it in return.  My milestone?  The high school wifi blocked my blog because it detected the word "vagina."

My work here is done people...