Couple of Amateurs

This is my idiot brother Jeff:

He is actually closer in age to my oldest daughter than he is to me by about eight years.  As such, he has an unnatural and unholy relationship with my two eldest.  He is more like a big brother than an uncle and they would rather spend time with him and my sister-in-law than just about anyone else - including other teens.  He is thin, wiry, very strong, and has helped me with nearly all of my home renovations over the last eight years.  Unfortunately for me, he is a grown up now with a baby on the way and a full-time firefighter gig.  Therefore, he can't drop everything for me and clamber up to dangerous and scary places to complete my many ridiculous demands anymore.  It has been five years since we painted the exterior of my VERY tall home.  Last time, Jeff helped set up and climb the 20 foot scaffold with me and helped me do most of my painting.  Since I couldn't count on him like I used to, Jared and I took a full week off of work to get the job done ourselves.  When I set up the scaffold by myself on Friday, I was feeling pretty confident that I didn't need my stupid brother.  Here I am on top of my accomplishment:

In fact, Bubba and I had some nice bonding time going to the rental place for the scaffolding and setting it up.  Check this out: 

 

She's fondling my Bingo Wings.  She and Emma both love how soft my jiggly underarms are.  It used to bother me when they would fondle me and talk about how wonderfully soft I am, but I have embraced my body image and figure at least they will have something to remember me for when they move out.  I believe this experience lulled me into a false sense of ability and security, because today the real work began and it did not go well.  I painted a few windowsills without incident and then started in on an overhang on one side of the driveway that is only about eight feet tall.  Stupid Jeff had my regular ladder so I was forced to use my long extension ladder to do the job.  As I perched on the top, it slid down the wall, onto the ground, and I fell on top of the ladder on my left side.  Because I am cheap, the one thought I had as I slid down was, "damnit, my paint is going to spill and I am going to have to buy more!"  Spill it did!  Just over a half a gallon on top of me and the driveway.  I jumped up with the intent to wash off the driveway before the paint could dry, but didn't feel so hot when I stood up, so I sat on the grass instead until Jared got back from some errands so that he could help me.  I was most worried about a spot on my elbow that Jared assured me was road rash. 

 

I hurt so bad that I did a little bit more painting up on the scaffold, but quickly decided to spend the rest of the afternoon painting stuff on the ground.  I was occupied with my job and didn't notice that my sweet lover was trying to move the scaffolding alone.  Want to know what 20 feet of scaffolding sounds like when it tips over?  It's damn loud.  Loud enough to bring out the neighbors in fact.  Especially when it falls on your van.  Here's the culprit in the middle of his mess:

 

And here's part of the damage to my van and my front yard.  The pics do not do the damage justice unfortunately...

 

By this time, I was beginning to think that perhaps the only thing that has kept me away from true disaster all these years has been the presence of my idiot brother!  It pissed me off that I am a 40 year old woman who had lightning hit twice in one day.  I was further pissed that my dumb brother has his own life now and isn't helping me do my scary jobs anymore!  By the time the scaffolding fell, I was really sore and was convinced that my elbow was more than road rash even if I couldn't see it well.  I dropped by the local Community Care and ended up with 4 staples in my wound, as well as reassurance (after some X-Rays) that I hadn't broken anything.

They wanted to give me a Tetanus shot since mine is eight years old, but the cheapo in me won out.  I convinced the Dr. that I would get a Tetanus shot at my work for free.  I'm still darn sore and am not looking forward to climbing the scaffolding tomorrow - after I put it back together again that is.  I tried to make my brother feel guilty for not helping me, but the only sympathy I got was from my old mommy who thinks she's coming over to climb the scaffolding with me tomorrow.  Oh well, I guess life can't be perfect every day.  But just in case we have another bad day, maybe I better have Jared take out some extra life insurance...