Goodbye 2016 and Good Riddance...

Tonight it's New Year's Eve and I'm spending another holiday without my family.  I never thought in a million years I'd still be hanging on the East Coast alone and it's been a tough pill to swallow.  I only cried twice today and that's pretty darn good if you ask me.  Today is also my daddy's birthday and I'm sad that I don't get to spend the evening with that old grouch.  My friend Alyssa penned a nice post on her blog about how tough 2016 has been.  I was reminded just how awful this year has been for a lot of the people I love in this world and that I am certainly not alone in my misery.  I have friends and family who have gone months and months without a job, a sister with breast cancer, another sister with long standing infertility that has finally given up on another baby, friends having trouble paying their bills...  the list goes on and on.  Life is hard and it sort of pisses me off that it has to be that way. 

To keep my mind off the holiday, I spent the day at the Mystic Aquarium with Renee, her daughters, and her granddaughter.  We got in free with our Lifespan ID badges and then had dinner at Mystic Pizza - yes, the Mystic Pizza from the movie with Julia Roberts...  So, did I have a nice day?  Of course!  Mostly because even when I'm sad, I'm still me, and I like to be ridiculous and have a good time everywhere I go.  Seeing the animals at the aquarium wasn't the best part of my day because I took Renee's daughter Briana on a sled dog ride:

I also took a pic with Santa, who for some reason has not gone back to the North Pole, but is hanging out at the Mystic Aquarium on a big chair instead:

Briana and I also managed to get one of the scuba divers in the fish tank to come over and take a selfie with us - complete with rabbit ears!  I felt like I'd hit the jackpot:

After all this nonsense it didn't take Briana long to figure out that I would do just about anything anyone asked me to - including sticking my head up into this aquarium that only kids were playing in.  I can't help it that most adults are sticks in the mud...

After the day was over and I was driving home, I cried a bit but decided I should follow Alyssa's example and discuss the positives about this last year and maybe even list some of the things I've learned.  First, I've traveled to about a million places since I landed in New England.  I've gone to Cape Cod, the Statue of Liberty, most of the national parks and monuments in Rhode Island and Massachusetts.  I've explored Boston and walked in the shoes of the patriots who founded this country.  I traveled to DC and enjoyed the monuments celebrating our great nation.  I've spent time pondering the ultimate sacrifice that many of my countrymen have paid to bless me with freedom as I walked on sacred ground in Arlington, Virginia.  I've explored nearly all the beaches in Rhode Island (there are 100) and have walked hundreds of miles on nature trails in several states around me.  I've learned all about Rhode Island history and have learned some stuff even the locals don't know.  I've tried hot weenies, coffee milk, frozen lemonade, and ate lobster every payday for the entire summer so that by the time lobster prices started to rise, I was kind of glad to have a break.  This short list doesn't even cover everything I've done in the last nine months because since I left home, I have driven through and/or explored 20 states!  I could go on and on but the significant thing about everything I've seen is that I did it all alone, and that's a huge thing for someone who gets lost everywhere - even in their tiny home town.  I learned that with a GPS, a few bucks in my pocket, and a destination to explore, I could navigate to any town or landmark I wanted to see, and not a single person cared that I was there alone.  Only my own embarrassment or self consciousness can hold me back from anything I want to accomplish in this life.

Second, I learned that I really do love my sexy lover and my rotten kids as much as I thought I did.  Jared and my girls have been my rock this year and have done their very best with a horrible situation.  None of them have made me feel badly about the sacrifice that we are making so that we can have a different life in the East.  There will always be some friction in a family, but I'm proud of the girls for helping each other and their daddy until I can be with them again.  I'm so grateful I hitched my star to the man I did.  Jared loves me unconditionally and completely and has encouraged me to be my best from the moment he walked into my life.

Third, I'm grateful for all the family and friends that I have had the privilege to know in my life.  Their strength and trust in God despite their individual trials has sustained me - even when I have questioned my own strength, faith, or ability to continue on my chosen road.  Some of those friends also deserve a shout out for constantly checking in on me to make sure I knew that I was wanted, needed, and hadn't lost my mind by leaving my family behind. 

Last, I'm grateful to be me.  I'm brave, strong, and pretty darn amazing for everything I've accomplished over the course of my life.  If my daughters can learn that there is nothing they can't do - even stuff that is scary as hell and just as hard - all because they watched their momma live her own life that way... then I will have created my crowning opus.  Yep, I've done a lot of great stuff.  However, 2016 has still sucked some major nuts and I am looking forward to a change of fortune in the coming year.  Goodbye 2016...  Don't let the door hit you on the butt on your way out... 

Merry Christmas

Today is Christmas morning.  It's a beautiful sunny day in Rhode Island and I am trying to feel blessed because of the season but since I am alone, I find it difficult to keep my focus positive.  Throughout my life, I have only missed two Christmases with my family.  The first was during my first year in college when the University of Utah went to the Freedom Bowl and the marching band had to leave early Christmas Day to make the trip to support the football team.  I spent that Christmas with my friend Lynda's family.  It was pleasant of course, but not the same.  This year, I'm spending Christmas with Renee - the frat house owner.  We had a delicious Christmas Eve dinner with her very loud family.  I enjoyed listening to them cackle and tell stories in their Boston accents and I ate lots of yummy food I don't normally consume this time of year.  Look at us:

I have met such wonderful people since arriving here in the East and am amazed at how friendly and kind complete strangers have been to me.  I am trying to remember that despite my loneliness, I have had an incredible nine months here and have accomplished lots of things many people would never have been able to do had they been in my shoes.  It helps a little...  but I find I am still lonely.  I've actually held it together pretty well this holiday season with my first Christmas tears occurring this morning when I awoke.  Jared had awakened early this morning and found that Santa had arrived in Idaho.  He sent me this sweet pic:

That's a Christmas tree that my kind brother let us borrow since mine is lost in a storage shed somewhere.  My entire front room is empty except for the tiny little tree and the presents dear Santa left behind.  Part of the magic of Christmas for me is listening to my children whisper about what might be downstairs, setting alarms to try and catch Santa at his work, and of course, their squeals of delight when they finally see their gifts.  This year, the frat house was nearly silent and the tender beauties of my usual Christmas season were 2500 miles away.  Yup.  I'm still sad.

This year was a miracle because Jared woke the girls up for presents instead of the other way around.  I was a bit worried about their mental health until the little ones admitted they had checked at 4 AM and discovered Santa had arrived.  Thank goodness some things never change.  This year, I got to experience something I have never tried before:

Christmas by FaceTime.  I've had lots of new experiences this year and most have been wonderful, but I have to admit that I prefer Christmas in person.  Jared has reminded me a lot this year that at least we have the technology to talk to each other face to face instead of waiting weeks and months for a letter to arrive from the ones we love.  He's right, but sorry, I'm still sad and lonely.  The girls had a nice Christmas.  I even had a few surprise presents that made the morning special.  Jared and I read the first Christmas story with the girls and I was moved to tears as I listened to the beginning of the life of a man who spent his entire existence serving others.  I know he suffered all for me and knows how I feel, but it still isn't helping.  I'm still lonely and sad.  However, it was nice to remember once again why we celebrate the day in the first place. 

I'm going to head out for a walk soon and will probably find a beach to comb since there is something wonderfully peaceful about that activity for me.  Renee has also invited me back to her mom's for more food and company.  I couldn't stand to do breakfast and the jury is still out about whether I feel emotionally stable enough to head over later, but it's nice to have an offer on the table.  My Christmas wish for 2016 is that everyone else that might be lonely and sad this year may somehow find peace and comfort in 2017... that, and I sure as heck hope that 2017 finds me together with Jared and his babies again.  Merry Christmas everyone. 

Meet my BFF... TSA

Today I'm headed back to Rhode Island after a visit to Idaho.  As we speak, I'm enjoying a three hour layover in the Denver airport.  I had lunch and dinner dates nearly every day this last week with many of the people I care most about in this world.  I also got this awesome gift from my friend Kareena:

It's a tiny voodoo doll!  The best part of this gift was when I caught Hannah using it...

I thought her evil powers were pure.  Turns out she's as weak as the rest of us and CAN'T destroy people with the energy of her mind.  I stand corrected.

Aside from the constant worry over my house that just won't sell, I had a nice trip.  Nice that is, until I arrived at the IF airport to fly back to the Ocean State.  That airport pisses me off above all others.  I have a genuine distaste and distrust of TSA, but in IF, the agents are a special breed and I believe they exist entirely for my individual torture.  I used to fly out of either Boston and Providence and into Salt Lake City because of how much less expensive flights were.  Four flights ago, I told Jared the flight was so long I was going to spend the extra money and only fly out of Providence and only into Idaho Falls.  I've never had a bag searched until I started flying out of Idaho Falls.  I'm now three for three on bag searches and it's pissing me off!  What sets them off?  The first time it was some almonds in my bag.  The second time I think it was just for kicks.  Today, it was for the really dangerous large size toothpaste and Idaho Spud candy bars I was trying to bring on board.  I knew when I brought the toothpaste that it exceeded the size limit.  However, I wanted to conduct an experiment to see if the IF TSA indeed only hires assclowns, since I have long suspected this to be the case.  As I predicted, they didn't disappoint.  They confiscated my toothpaste tube and told me there were rules I could have looked up.  I told them that my tube had made it through security in Rhode Island.  "Oh really?" they said with incredulity.  I assured them that's why I hated them so badly...  There's no consistency in a screening process that I don't think works anyway.  The lady assigned to piss me off today, finished rifling through my really dangerous candy and dirty underpants, then told me not to be rude.  I snidely informed her I could behave as I chose.  She then told me to go be rude upstairs.  I complied because I wanted to get upstairs anyway since that's where my flight was...  Despite making all my comments in a very calm and passive aggressive way, they called a cop to come and talk to me.  I politely informed the officer I had no intention of talking to him and he could either arrest me or leave me alone.  Lucky for me, he just stared at me and let me walk away.  Passive aggressive traveler one...  but TSA is still the ultimate winner since they got to fondle my dirty underpants.

Am I eventually going to get arrested?  Probably.  Am I going to stop my brazen and saucy behavior?  No!  Try to justify TSA to me all you like, but until the screening process is the same in every airport, I will continue to believe the precautions they are taking probably don't make much difference.  Until people sneaking fake weapons in to test TSA are no longer successful, I will continue to believe that my 5 ounce tube of toothpaste couldn't possibly be dangerous at all.  And until some other airport rifles through my candy and filthy underpants, I will continue to believe that the Idaho Falls Airport is staffed entirely by assclowns...  Can this rant increase my score to two?...  Please?

Moving Day

Today, the frat house became more like an apartment for me because Renee's brother, his girlfriend, and the girlfriend's son bought a house and moved out.  Since I am a decent human being and a Christian, I decided to help them move.  The only problem is, I HATE moving.  I actually detest it.  Most things in life don't bother me too much, but I don't care how little or how much you have, or whether you are moving your own crap or someone else's, it's just plain horrible.  We got started at about 9 this morning and didn't finish until 4 PM.  That's the other thing I despise about moving - it doesn't matter how quickly you think the process will take - add 3 hours to the worst case scenario and you might get finished when you estimated.  Have I stressed enough that I hate moving?

The day wasn't too horrible because I found a Cumberland Farms in Burrillville, RI where Pierre moved that had Coke Zero on tap.  Highlight one. 

Renee also took me to Wright's Dairy Farm in Woonsocket, RI so I could try their fresh chocolate milk and egg nog.

Was it better than Reed's Dairy?  No.  Was it at least as good as Reed's Dairy?  Not even close.  I am beginning to wonder if the milk that comes from cows outside of the Gem State are even capable of lactating a product that can be turned into something sublime.  My search for perfection continues, but even if I can't ever find a dairy product I love as much as Reed's Dairy's, at least I have a wonderful place to eat when I visit my loved ones in Idaho.  Know what Wright's Dairy does have?  A pastry counter.  And a rather extensive one at that.  I was skeptical at first because I couldn't see how a dairy and a pastry shop were connected.  Turns out it doesn't matter because the pastry shop was absolutely divine.  I had a peanut butter brownie that turned me on and I saw at least 2 dozen other items that would probably affect me in the same way.  Definitely highlight number two.

Since I underestimated how long it would take us to finish moving duties, I didn't get around to showering until nearly 7 PM Eastern time.  I was so sweaty and gross that when I took my socks off to jump in the shower, my toes were wrinkly.  It's been a long time since I have been so disgusted by my personal hygiene but man that shower was the third highlight of my day.

At some point today, Renee offered me the room Pierre vacated since its bigger than the room I'm in...

However, I'm lazy.  Even though I don't have much to move, I made it clear to Renee that transferring my belongings across the hall was more effort than I would ever be willing to exert - thank you just the same.  Yep.  It's quiet around the frat house now.  After gorging ourselves on our pastries, Renee graciously offered to help me move into my new home if I could ever sell my place in Idaho.  Unfortunately, I want her to still be my friend after this whole ordeal is over, so I think when it's time, I'll just sneak out of the frat house so she won't be able to help me.  Have I ever mentioned how awful it is to move? 

I'm Definitely Thifty, but am I Nifty?

I've been in New England for almost eight months and in all that time, I haven't set foot in a thrift store.  I thought for awhile that this could be my chance to get clean...  My one chance to attempt to be classy and NOT get excited about how cheap and wonderful other people's used crap is...  My one chance to prove to my sister Briana that I can SO be normal...  Alas, I needed a rolling pin and two pie pans and since I have all that in Idaho waiting to make the trip over, I just couldn't see spending full price so...  Bottom line, the temptation was just too tantalizing and since I had a good excuse, I found myself wandering into three separate thrift stores a couple of days ago.  Did I find what I was looking for?

You bet I did!  One rolling pin and two Pyrex pie pans for ten bucks meant an awesome bargain with only the loss of my dreams of going straight to show for it.  Since deep down I didn't really want to quit my thrift store habit - just half-heartedly wanted to impress a few people - I felt right at home as soon as I started inspecting the stacks of garbage.  It was heavenly.  I resisted the urge to buy a ceramic bust of Jesus, not because I couldn't have found a use for it, but because it's not good to be greedy.  It's important to spread your oddities out a bit so that some folks (Briana) will stay off your back a little longer.  Therefore, I purchased only what I originally came in for instead of pushing my luck.  I derived so much fulfillment the first trip, that I decided to stroll around again today - just in case I missed something fantastic my first go round AND just in case Jesus hadn't been snapped up by someone else...  I didn't buy anything today but I found this:

I found out this week just how well supported the New England Patriots or "Pats" as they are called really are out here.  I made the mistake of revealing to one of the labor nurses that I could care less about the "Pats" or any other NFL team for that matter.  Let's just say that the remainder of the exchange did not go well.  I called to tell my dad all about it and he pretty much called me an idiot for making such a dumb mistake.  Then he told me not to say anything disparaging about the Red Sox or I might lose my life.  How lucky that the thrift stores out here have ten million hats, T-shirts, and other items imprinted with both the "Pats" and the Red Sox available for purchase.  If I decide that I feel threatened in any way by these ridiculous fans out here, I guess I can go back and purchase a disguise that won't break the bank.  As a side note, I did for one second worry about head lice when I tried on the little number above, but when you shop at thrift stores, you have to leave your pride behind.  You're welcome. 

Just when I thought I had seen every treasure I possibly could, I stumbled on this atrocity:

What in the hell is going on here?!  I can guarantee I would never see such sexual pandemonium at the thrift stores in Idaho!  There's girl on girl action here, heterosexual couples, biracial couples, and a few single swingers fully dressed and waiting for action!  My goodness there's even two babies watching everyone in what I hope is horror and utter disgust!  I guess I should feel grateful that except for male homosexuals, there doesn't seem to be any discrimination on this naked wall of shame, but really people.  Isn't there some Barbie house we can hide these people in?  I bet they'd like some privacy and I certainly don't need to know what dirty escapades the other members of my community are up to!  What if I see them walking around on the street?  I'll never be able to look them in the eye!  See what you're missing Briana?  Thrift stores are definitely nifty!

Seriously? Where are you Sarah Richards?!

Today I traveled to Worcester, Massachusetts to try and find that darn missing relative of mine.  I figured out that the public library happens to have a book with some of the vital statistics for Islesboro, Maine where Joseph and Sarah Hardy used to live.  Naturally, I jumped at the chance to avoid a long drive and toll roads in the hope that I might find information to make my eventual drive to Islesboro more fruitful.  Know what one of the best things about Worcester is?  The name!  When I first arrived in the East, I went around calling it "war-chester" like a Western idiot.  It wasn't long before I figured out that the locals call it "Woost-er."  I love that!  Every time I see the name Worcester now, I say out loud over and over, "Woost-er.  I'm in Woost-er - Woost-er Mass"...  I don't care what you think of me, it's a cool name and I will allow myself to feel as giddy about it as I choose...  I digress... 

Along the road, Bubba Facetimed me.  I stuck the phone up so she could see my face while I drove.  She said, "I wondered if you would be in your car driving around, but I just wanted to see your face."  I'm not exactly sure when my five year old started talking like a grown up weirdo, but I like her and I like that she would rather look at my face while I talk instead of just listening to my voice.  We chatted along as I drove and when she got sick of me, she told me she had an important video game to get back to and promptly hung up on me.  She wasted about 15 minutes of my drive to "Woost-er - Woost-er Mass" and that was nice. 

Know what SUCKS about Worcester?  You have to pay to park at the public library.  Just how "public" can a place be if you charge people to get into it?  I personally think all this paying for parking nonsense over here is ridiculous, but since I really needed to get into the library, I paid the tab and wandered in, but not before I took a Snapchat detailing how I felt about my experience...

Did I find Sarah?  Yes.  But I only found out what I already knew - that she died in Camden, Maine.  However, it looks like some idiot might have her death date wrong so I guess that's something.  Unfortunately, I still haven't seen actual proof of her body anywhere, nor did I find anything substantial about her jerk husband, so I guess the search continues. 

After spending a couple of hours in the "public" library, I decided that I deserved some ice cream from another Massachusetts town that I like to say - Swansea.  This one sounds pretty close to how it looks but the locals say it "Swanzee" and again, I just like the way they say it.  I was nearly to "Swanzee - Swanzee Mass" when I realized that it had been raining all day and that I probably needed a real umbrella more than I needed an ice cream cone.  I detoured to Target in Lincoln, Rhode Island and purchased a pretty, pink polka-dotted number.  I've owned a few umbrellas over the years, but we just don't get the rain in Idaho and Utah (my main residences) that they get in the East.  I've been through quite a few rainstorms in the last seven months and they can be quite impressive.  I derived no small amount of joy from my new umbrella because I LOVE umbrellas and know that it's going to get a lot of use.  I wished I had a nice pair of rubber boots to jump in puddles with, but had to be content looking down with disdain on all the umbrella-less fools getting drenched as they ran from their cars to the stores I visited today.  Amateurs.

After getting home, I showed off my umbrella to the frat house residents and they all pretended to give a damn, which I appreciated.  Then, we scarfed some delicious buffalo chicken mac and cheese that I made and now I'm sitting around waiting for my moron brother to call me so that I can complain about how I'm sick of trying to locate Sarah and Joseph when they obviously prefer their privacy and maybe we should just leave them in peace....  Not a bad day I say.  The only downside?  I'm now wishing I had gone to "Swanzee - Swanzee Mass" with my new umbrella so that I could have used it to keep the ice cream that I didn't get from the Ice Cream Barn dry...






 

2 "All the Way" and a Coffee Milk Please...

I flew into Rhode Island early this morning after a wonderful two weeks with Jared and the girls.  It was wonderful to just be able to be completely present in my children's lives.  I was so stressed out at my old job that I couldn't breathe and my children never had my full attention.  It's been a long time since I've been able to just enjoy everything about each of them and it was heavenly.  What did I do?  Well, for starters, I went trick or treating:

I love the tradition of the picture out in front of my folks house.  Whether our numbers be large or small, it's still fun to watch as everyone grows.  I also got to watch this lunatic hand out candy:

He was a little disappointed this year because he wasn't as busy as in years past.  My mom didn't manage to buy cheap, crappy candy this year, so it was only a two tiered system:  Regular candy bars for kids dad likes and mini candy bars for everyone else.  However, since it was slower this year, plenty of strangers got a regular sized candy bar when they probably didn't deserve them - lucky bastards. 


For a few days, I thought Halloween was going to be the highlight of my week until this happened:

That's Count Chocula on sale and since I wanted to save lots of cash, one box just wouldn't do so I purchased six.  Judge if you wish, but if you tell me that Count Chocula is disgusting, then I accept your letter of resignation because this friendship is over.

Count Chocula didn't even end up topping my vacay because I also got to soak at Lava Hot Springs which I LOVE to do in the winter.  The day we went was wonderfully warm and pleasant and I only managed to soak for about an hour instead of my three hour record.  I was really missing my brother Jameson and sister Briana, because they are champion soakers and yell at my kids more than I do when they whine to leave.  Idaho will never be the same without them unfortunately.

I did have a low spot when I got sucked into an adventure with my brother Jeff.  I have an adventure with him every time I see the moron but each one is delightfully different and memorable in its own right.  Since you never quite know what will happen when he calls, it is impossible to be adequately prepared for his lunacy.  This time he called and asked if I would help him move the chicken coop he inherited from his wife's aunt.  I had heard a rumor that the coop was large, so I offered my truck for the job and foolishly thought I would avoid a fiasco.  Wrong.  Turns out he forgot to mention that we needed to dismantle most of the gigantic chicken run which consisted of a large, traditional coop plus a converted dog run.  BTW the dog run was filled with hanging perches as if the avian residents were eagles or parrots instead of just stupid CHICKENS!  He also neglected to mention that we would need to wrangle the chickens and secure them in the coop somehow.  Thus, upon arrival I immediately realized that the flip flops I wore were going to be poorly suited for chicken chasing.  Here's my sweet hubby (also in flip flops) standing in wet chicken crap since it had also rained the day before we showed:

Jeff also neglected to adequately prepare me for just how large the main coop was.  We ended up having to hoist it up intact on the top of the truck and scraped the paint job down the length of the passenger side of the truck bed.  Thank goodness I have a POS truck or I might have murdered him.  Unfortunately, loading the main coop was only the start of my torture because we had to borrow an additional trailer from Jeff's father in law in order to finish loading the rest of the dog run part of the coop.  This was AFTER I had to stand on the bed of the truck and load the 10 stupid chickens in the main coop as Jared and Jeff caught each one and handed them on up:

And here are a few of the starring idiots that I wanted to choke to death by the end of the day:

By the end of the adventure, I had a large amount of chicken crap between my toes and my whole truck smelled like chicken poop for several days.  However, the upside was that Jeff got poop in his eyes and on his face when the little chicken jerks tried to flap away from him, squawking their fool heads off the whole time.  It was a Karma miracle.  Just how ridiculous did we look as we drove around?  Judge for yourself:

My wonderful two weeks ended with my dad showing off his guns to my friend Alyssa and her hubby Chris.  Here are just a few of his handguns (yes my mom is posing with one) but I didn't get a pic of the rifles and shotguns...

Why does he have so many guns when he rarely shoots them either for hunting or for target practice?  Everyone in the family has a theory, but I like to believe it's just because he's an eccentric weirdo.  I love him no less for it in case you were wondering and nothing about the guy ever surprises me.  That's the beauty of eccentric weirdos - they always keep you guessing.

What was the most surprising thing about my trip?  Turns out that when I left Idaho I realized that it was the first time that I didn't cry in the airport when Jared dropped me off.  Also the first time I had no anxiety about landing back in the Ocean State alone.  Come to think of it, it was also the first time that I felt glad to arrive back "home."  Something has happened to me and I feel peaceful for the first time since my April exodus to the East.  My house still hasn't sold, but I like the beauty over here, I've enjoyed all the people I've met, and feel like I belong in New England.  I'm not saying it wouldn't be wonderful to have my house sell, but I'm finally letting go of the West and embracing my future in the East.  Yep.  Pass the coffee milk people.  I'm here to stay.