It's the Midwife Reality Show!

A&E has a show called The First 48.  It's all about how murders need to be solved within 48 hours or the likelihood anyone will pay for their crime begins to drop.  I sometimes think of my life in 48 hour intervals, but it's more because I'm not sure what will happen at my job during such a stretch of time and whether I will still be alive on the other side.  

Take this last Tuesday.  I started clinic at 9 am and had a full day seeing patients.  At five I ran over to the hospital to start a labor induction for a first timer.  These unfortunate women are called primips in my line of work.  Let me sum up my very unmidwifery feelings for almost all primips using a saying I am trying to patent...  "Any woman who has not had a baby before should not be allowed to have a baby..."  I know, Ghandi has nothing on me!

The reason primips can be tough is you never know how they will progress.  In this case, baby decided to come face first with the chin down and thus, vaginal delivery was not possible.  After spending  24 hours with her, this is how my day ended...

After the Cesarean, I was hoping to go home but found out I was going to do another labor.  So this is how I coped:

For any uncultured swine out there, I'm eating some Lorna Doones.  Sweet Lornas are the second best thing about hospitals.  The first is the warm blankets.  I vote we only use hospitals for sitting around in warm blanket burritos while crunching Lornas...Anyhoo...

I actually was happy to get the next labor so I could attend the birth of this lovely lady since I was lucky enough to do her first.  She was a primip once but acted more like a multip (lady who has already squeezed a baby out...)

Shortly after I started hanging out with this gal I found out I was getting a second labor.  Of course I let Jared know so he could plan his evening without me...

I know it sounds like I didn't want to help my next lady, but I was just tired and hadn't been home in a day and a half.  However, I had done a previous baby for her too and it was a privilege to catch her third.  I finished by midnight and actually slept in my own bed.  At seven this morning my Lily discovered me and said, "hoorah!  You're finally home!"  Here's our snuggle selfie:

It couldn't last because at 9:30 I got called out for another primip who was wonderful until I had to sew up the explosion her baby's head left in her vagina.  I rounded out my 48 with more Lornas and Diet Sunkist...

I know.  I'm disgusting.  I have no excuses.  None.  I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't understand why I don't have some 48 hour reality show.  I think my life is riveting and that I could really make a go at fame and fortune.  If you happen to own a cable channel, won't you think about hiring me?