This is called a Bubba Sandwich. Get it? Cause Bubba is the meat between the two slices of bread represented by mommy and daddy? I used to make Kayley, Hannah, Emma, and Lily sandwiches, but not much anymore because my other kids now think human sandwiches are lame. Bubba always wants to be with me. She Skyped me the other day when I was stuck at the hospital and begged me to take her to the local convenience store and buy her a pack of gum and hot coffee. We don't even drink coffee for religious reasons but Bub would not be swayed. She insisted on coffee and it had to be HOT! Point is, she loves me and I can do no wrong. My teenagers are a different story. They are always trying to take a powder away from me lately and I see a lot of this:
I'm getting sick of looking at their backsides while they yell over their shoulder and call me a loser. None of my ideas are interesting anymore. All they want to do is sit around and Snapchat their stupid teenage friends and play idiotic games on their IPods! A few summers back we took the kids on a boat ride across Jenny's lake. The day was idyllic. The temperature was perfect, the hike we took when we arrived was gorgeous. Everything about the day was wonderful for me. Hannah, my second child, whined ALL the way there, ALL the way across the lake, and ALL the way on the hike back to our van. This is how all of us but Hannah felt on the trip:
I couldn't force Hannah to even get in this pic! Here she is on the boat ride over the lake:
How can someone who is about to ride across a beautiful lake on a perfect day look so unhappy? It looks like I asked her to suck her own toes, eat one of my boogers, or French kiss Dexter the three legged cat! I warned her that I was planning on ice cream in Jackson Hole, WY to make up for the calories I burned on the hike. I didn't want to lose any of my sexy curves (fine my fat rolls) and told her that if she made my life miserable during the day, I would make hers worse and she could ride back to Idaho Falls sans ice cream. She insisted on whining, I insisted she skip the ice cream, and at least in my book, I thought I scored a mom win. Kayley had other plans that day, but she totally would have been in on the conspiracy had she been there; she just would have done it with a smile on her face.
Lately, the teenage brats give me the silent treatment and dirty looks to convey their displeasure with my outings. This is because they have given up on normal communication in favor of passive aggressive manipulation. Usually, this gets me riled up, but I got a special treat on a bike ride in the rain I forced Kayley to enjoy. Check it out:
That's right, she flew a big fat bird! News flash pre-adults! I refuse to let your negativity sway me. By golly you are my worthless kids and I am going to spend time with you no matter how uncomfortable you try to make it for me! It has become a battle of wills now and I have exactly 2-3 years to convince you both just how awesome I am! Now shut your pie holes, wipe that death stare off your faces, and climb in the van! We're going to Mesa Falls!!!
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