I'm a Bigot...

I love riding motorcycles.  I mean LOVE.  One of the sexiest things about my hubby when we were dating is that he owned a motorcycle.  It was a 750 cc engine and it rode like crap until the day we gave it away, but man was he hotter than hell on that thing!  When I learned to ride my own bike a few years back, I never realized how awesome I was until the day I got my motorcycle endorsement on my license.  Just look at me:

I know it's only a 550 but man am I cool. I love riding when the alfalfa fields are being watered or cut...  The smell just drives me mad.  I love the wind in my face, how it feels to shift that bike, and most of all I love passing other riders and sticking my hand out and watching them hail me back.  It's a silent, "hey man, I'm cool and I know you know it because you're cool too for riding that bike!"  

I might be kick ass cool, but I'm a bigot.  Don't get excited because it's only targeted at one group of individuals.  These folks don't deserve to vote, breathe the same air as me, or be allowed to eat at Wendy's.  McDonald's all the way for these clowns!  Who is it?  Here's a hint...

That's right...  Scooter riders.  Are you for real man?  You're such a sissy you have to buy your ride with an automatic transmission?  Do your feet get tired on foot pegs so you need a floor to rest them on?  And how about the whole design of the common scooter?  Why don't you get a pedal bike with a banana seat and ape drape handlebars because anything's better than the ride you got dude!

I have gotten a little out of control about this issue and try to repent for my vehemence occasionally, but then I hear the whimpy purr of that stupid weak engine and I get all fired up about it again!  If I find out someone's a scooter rider I shun them.  I avert my gaze when they enter a room and utter derrogatory phrases under my breath.  It's appalling but I'm committed to the cause so it's pointless to let it go now.

If you're a scooter rider don't you dare try to justify your ridiculous behavior.  As a bigot I just won't listen, nor will you ever change my mind.  The only people on this planet who should legally be able to putt around on such a worthless machine are Italians.  This is because Italians are the only group who can make any lame-o behavior look awesome.  You think I kid?  What about the Speedo?  What about the mafia?  What about Eggplant Parmesan?

I'm calling you out scooter sissies (except Italian ones as outlined previously)!  Sell your stupid teal Vespa, grow a pair, and enjoy some real power between your legs for once.  And yes, that was a sexual reference; I'm a motorcycle rider and that's how we roll..