Can't I Have a Little Peace?

I live a blessed life.  Most of my enjoyment comes from laughing at the ridiculous things that happen to me, or the ridiculous things people do to me because they know I can take it.  Lately, I have been the victim of multiple acts of random vandalism.  The Mental Health Nurse Practitioner that works in my office has been defacing several of my priceless works of art.  The first was a gift a patient gave me, a lovely pic she took of a baby sleeping.  Nate wandered into my office one day and committed this crime with an Expo marker:

I actually caught him red handed but laughed and praised him for his artistry but chastised him for his stealth.  He did this months ago and I have left it ever since.  Given that I laughed and didn't bawl him out for his indiscretion, he found the guts to leave me this a few weeks ago:

That's right, he gave one of my ex-partners Karen some spectacles.  I dusted the picture recently and forgot it was an Expo marker, Karen was restored to her original glory, and I was reduced nearly to tears.  It was funny and now I'm sad it's gone.  Thankfully, I can count on Nate to come up with something else soon. 

Sometimes the acts of vandalism I endure are folks vandalizing themselves for my benefit.  Like this beauty I walked into this week: 

 

This is my hairdresser Erica who happened to be present at a birth I was attending.  I've had patients text me pics of their butts, the butts of their loved ones, and various other gems.  For those of you that don't have people that love and respect you enough to pester you with such behaviors, let me apologize for your loss.  I can't imagine how boring your life must be and it makes me sad that you have a lifetime of doldrums stretching out in an endless horizon in front of you.

Sometimes the vandalism gets extreme.  I found this example on my windshield when I went shopping yesterday.  It left streaks on either side of my windshield when I washed the evidence away with my wipers.  I am hoping it was just lotion but I can never be sure given the caliber of individual that would leave something like this:

I immediately assumed it was my brother Jeff who leaves cock art all over my office at work, at my house, on any random scrap of paper he can find really.  Jared wasn't so sure.  I looked around the parking lot for him anyway and when I didn't see him, I accused him in a text.  He of course laughed and said it was the most fantastic thing he had ever seen.  Then, he wanted to make sure I knew he was still the best dick artist I had ever met.  I tried to point out the exquisite detail in the rendering, but he refused to listen and began to threaten me if I didn't give him his dues.  Jared figured it must have been one of his buddies from the jail.  The jury is out.  I'm sort of hoping it was a random stranger that laid that beauty down.  That takes some real cajones (pun intended) to draw something like that if you have no idea who might climb in behind it. 

I like to believe that the reason I am blessed with so much fine art is that I not only have a trained eye to recognize it when I see it, but I like to spread my own beauty around this world.  I have unlimited examples of how I have blessed the lives of others, but I particularly enjoy sharing my gift with my daughter, Kayley.  Like in this jewel I sent to her.  I vandalized myself, then vandalized her snapchat with this one.  My mom and sister had to help me in and out of my artwork.  I wanted to know if Kayley's daddy would like this:

She was not impressed.  Oh well, everyone's a critic!