Aww, Don't Cry Little Unicorn

This is my nurse midwifery student, Marie:

I have actually known her for years because she is one of the labor nurses up at the hospital.  I have always enjoyed working with her and knew that she would be a good CNM if only she wanted to grow into one someday.  I'm sure I probably told her that a lot through the years, but now that she is almost done, I just spend all my time telling her she's a big fat dumbass for wanting to become a midwife.  It's just the long hours, the lack of sleep, and the fact that I haven't had a partner for a LONG time to help me that makes me spout these horrible things.  Unfortunately, now that I'm her preceptor, I also feel it is my duty to ride her like a tick on a dog so that she will be fantastic like me someday.  This has been a very uncomfortable role change for Marie because she is the complete opposite of me for the following reasons:

1. She is soft spoken and quiet
2. She likes sissy things like unicorns
3. She likes to workout and is thin
4. She likes Diet Coke

My personality on the other hand, can be described using a single line from a song by Joan Jett:  "I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation."  I am harsh, opinionated, have zero filter, and am rarely affected by weird behavior like leaking water from ones eyes.  I believe the term is called "crying" in English.  Oh, and let's be very clear about the exercise point - I only participate to be less fat - I do not enjoy it!

The consequence of our natural dichotomy is that I make Marie feel bad a lot.  In fact, I made her leak water from her eyes today, or as I established earlier, I made her cry.  It was deplorable and ugly and I actually felt bad about it for 30 minutes while driving home today, and that is a record for me.  Poor Marie is struggling with keeping her family afloat financially, dealing with the rigors of obtaining her Master's degree, and on top of that, she has me for an instructor.  I feel terrible for her.  Not terrible enough to change mind you, but I do sympathize with her plight.  I just can't help myself really.  I come from a family that observes Mafia Love.  What's Mafia Love?  You know, when someone is in the mafia they will kiss your cheek as they stab you in the gut with a shank?  We are merciless in my family.  Rude, crude, vocal, and of course RIGHT about everything.  Our way or the highway man!  We really do love each other, we just have a different way to express that love.  Like when my mom sent me this selfie.

I told her it looked like she was having a stroke and I was worried about having to feed her once I plopped her in the rest home.  Or how about a few weeks ago when my sis Patty and I were having a disagreement about something.  We started with this: 

And we ended with this:

See what I mean?  It's just natural for me.  I don't mean anything by it, it's just Mafia Love.  So in case Marie is reading this post, I want to say:  don't worry little unicorn - it's gonna be A OK.  Just look at this selfie we took if you don't believe me:

If it would make you feel better, I can give you the contact information for loads of people that I bully and belittle on a daily basis.  You can ask them if you wish, but I'm pretty sure they all still like me.  I have considered that they may be operating under a different Joan Jett lyric, "I hate myself for loving you," but I can't let doubt and worry seep in now.  Life's too short for that nonsense!