Bite Me

This is the eldest of my younger brothers, Jameson:

I personally never use his given name because to me, he's the Pasty Bastard.  Why?  Well, a myriad of reasons really, but his skin tone plays no small part in his nickname.  Here's proof:

In many ways, he is truly glorious, and I respect him.  However, he mainly makes my stomach turn, and for that, I respect him more. 

The PB actually is a fun dude to hang around with since he usually brings fun and unusual board, card, or video games when he comes to visit.  His nieces and nephews also appreciate that he's working on his Masters in mathematics because he's always willing to Skype them; acting like their personal long distance math tutor.

For my children specifically, my brother also possesses a unique gift that my daughters despise:  His big fat mouth.  I'm not sure when it started, but apparently he wanted to eat something one of my daughters had in their possession.  He must have taken a mighty generous chomp, because now whenever my kiddos want to share some food with someone else, the person who is sharing says one of two things.

    1.  Don't take a Jameson Bite

    2.  YOU JUST TOOK A JAMESON BITE!!!

In case you were wondering, the Jameson Bite is not a scientific unit of measurement, but is instead a subjective and often random unit of volume.  Essentially, anything bigger than a crumb constitutes a Jameson Bite.  The Jameson Bite also only applies to something solid you can wrap your mouth around since if you get a spoonful of something from one of my kids, they can ensure a Jameson portion is not distributed.

Two days ago, I was sharing a quesadilla with Bubba.  I took my fair chomp and what do you think she said?  "HEY MOMMA, YOU TOOK A JAMESON BITE!"  It suddenly dawned on me that my youngest turd probably has no idea what that phrase really means.  She hears it every time her sisters share a bite with someone, so I bet she thinks it's just polite dinner conversation.

Jameson heard my kids using this phrase in context during one of his visits a while back and he was offended.  I was a bit surprised that he would dispute it because I have seen him in action and he  ABSOLUTELY takes Jameson Bites!  I also believe he ought to spend more time repairing all the other offensive parts of his personality instead of worrying about something so trivial as his mouth size.  News Flash brother:  You're a freak!