The school always hands out perfect attendance recognition awards at these things, but in 16 years, none of my babies has ever gotten one. Part of the reason for this, is that I think perfect attendance folks are big fat nerds! In fact, the schools here in Idaho give an award to the senior/s that manage to have perfect attendance through their entire school career. I always try to memorize those names so that if I meet them again, I can slug them for being a damn weirdo! Life's too short not to take a few days off for absolutely no reason at all. Like yesterday, when I let Kayley skip so she could help me grocery shop. I kept her from being a freak, and she kept me from losing it during the mommy task I hate only slightly less than I hate laundry!
Of course I brought a Diet Dr Pepper refill into the festivities. I wondered if someone would kick me out for it, but no one did, so I got to sip my beverage happily while all the fools around me clapped their heads off for all the good kiddos at the school. I was happy about it; happy that is, until the diuretic effect of my drink kicked in and I suddenly needed to pee. I had forgotten how little everything is in elementary school johns. As in, tiny! Here's the pretty throne I peed in:
I stuck my leg out so you could see it comes up to just under mid calf. I was a little nervous about getting down there, let alone getting back up, but I really had to pee! Once I sat down, my knees were up to my boobs, so I had to straighten them out while I did the deed so my lungs wouldn't be punctured by my knees!
For a split second, I worried about getting back up! I knew Bubba wasn't going to be able to help haul my fat can up, so I considered screaming "FIRE," to encourage someone to come running to my aid! However, since my bladder is sort of fussy these days, and dribbling after the fact sometimes occurs, I decided to figure it out so no one would see my shame. I made it up and Bub and I even washed our hands in one of the short sinks. Check it out:
Given my last post, maybe some of you are wondering if this bathroom debacle will finally encourage me to give up the sauce for good ole' H2O:
Uhhh, nope!
Why do you still wear that ridiculous coat? You are such an anomaly; educated AND trashy.
ReplyDeleteI'll have you know that's a totally NEW trashy coat I stole from Jared cause I'm too cheap to buy my own. Come off your high horse. It's more interesting down here...
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