Liar!

I'm surrounded by liars.  Some, like my dad, lie only when they think they might get some laughs.  Case in point:  my folks have a dead mouse they caught in their basement light after mom heard one scrambling around.  It's been dead in the trap for over a year.  I don't know why the jerks won't clean it up, but every time you mention it, my dad lies about it being a fake cause he hopes some sucker will open the light and have a disgusting mouse mummy drop on them.

I know he's a joker liar, so the mummy mouse continues his slow decomposition.  My mommy is usually quite tidy so I haven't figured out her motivation.  However, it's possible she's trying to bug me.  Mission accomplished.

The biggest liars in my life are my rotten kids.  Some of them can't lie and are also rats, so it's wonderful when they are involved in any clandestine kid behavior.  Others start a lie but cave under pressure.  Exactly two are bold faced liars and will take their secret to the grave.  These liars are the worst because no punishment will bring the truth to light.

This week was particularly awful because I am missing 2 dozen eggs.  At least I'm almost positive I am.  That's the problem with good liars, after a while you wonder if you're the crazy one when they won't give it up.  I just want to know what happened to those stupid eggs because what in the world could you possibly do with that many?!  

Given that Christmas is about a month away, I figured the threat of losing a visit from the fat elf would draw the liar out.  Nope.  In fact, it created more lies as the girls attempted to win back Christmas.  Emma has been the most active.  Her first lie was a claim that she whacked them all with a bat and buried them in the frozen garden.  Her best?  A clever concoction worded thusly:

When I asked her how many she gave to her friends she said "six each."  Well at least her math is right!  What am I supposed to do now?!  I want Santa to visit me and the egg thief is no closer to coming clean than she was a week ago!  I'm sick of feeling mentally inferior to five rotten female babies - 50 percent of whom can't keep their panties whizz free for 24 hours at a time! I think I prefer my dad's lies.  In fact, maybe I'll go let the mouse mummy drop on me just to see if I'll feel any better!  It can't be any worse than missing Kris Kringle!