Babies, Hatchets, and Bathtubs

I have not slept in my own bed for about five nights.  I instead have spent my week up at the hospital trying to usher five new lives into this world.  That's right folks, it averages out to about 24 hours a baby because all my ladies this week were first timers.  

At the end of my seemingly endless week, my family met me in Rigby so my kids would remember what I looked like.  After munching Bambinos on my daddy's dime, we headed over to hang at the folks.  Upon entering, I noticed my mom's new advent calendar:

My mom is holding a butcher's knife to illustrate that "Machado" means hatchet in Spanish.  When I still couldn't figure out what was going on, mom told me it was an embroidery error of someone's last name, so she got it from Downeast Outfitters for 7 bucks.  "The dowel is worth 7 bucks," she exclaimed!  I love my mommy!  The only person cheaper than me is my dear old madre (mom in Spanish)!

After trying to humiliate my mom for her supreme frugalness for awhile, I decided to take a bath to top off my evening.  Unfortunately for me, the second the faucet turns on, or the word "bath" escapes my lips, at least one of my three youngest children appear out of thin air to crash my party.  Tonight was no exception.  I don't usually discourage this behavior for two main reasons:

     1.  It takes less water to fill the tub

     2.  Hilarious anatomy lessons often ensue

Bubba crawled in and asked if my boobies only come out at night.  It took me awhile to figure out she was referring to my nipples; which happen to be far more interesting than her mosquito bites if she'd like to know!  I informed her that this is what adult female breasts and nipples look like.  She informed me that she happens to hate the way mine look.  She then inspected my navel and asked how deep I thought it went.  When I told her I didn't know exactly, she rammed her finger in my belly button up to the third knuckle and asked if I thought it felt weird.  Why no, Bub!  Cram that finger in up to your wrist!

Despite my initial generosity with my tub time, it doesn't take me long to get sick of my kids.  I kicked Bubba and Lily out after exactly 5 minutes and thought I might finally get a moment's peace.  Not to be!  This guy came in while I was dressing, claiming he wanted a peek:

The truth was, he needed to pee.  Sexy, I know.

I only have two nights left in this hellacious week, and I'm sure hoping I get to spend them in my own bed.  Maybe I'll ask my mom to use her "machado" to cut all phone communications so no more pregnant ladies can find me.  THAT would be worth 7 bucks...