Lock and Key

Jared and I owned our first home on 7th south and 13th west in Salt Lake City.  We were poor starving college students and it was the most economical neighborhood we could find.  I found out once we moved in it was "El Barrio," because we were among the few Caucasians around.  My next door neighbors on either side were Hispanic and spoke no English.  This ended up being great for me because I speak Spanish and am a bit of a Mexican food slut.  On the weekends we could drive around and find bounce houses up everywhere, Mariachi music blaring, and the delicious smell of Carne Asada floating on the breeze.  When I was doing my nurse midwifery training at the University of Utah, one of our Medical Assistants found out where I lived and said, "you live there?  It's full of Mexicans!"  I replied in awe, "you're Mexican!"  She indignantly stared then said, "I'm not THAT kind of Mexican!"  It was the first time I realized that it's not just white folks who can be racist.  I actually loved it there and never felt threatened in any way.  I actually miss the Mamacitas that used to feed me and don't play in nearly enough bounce houses anymore.

Because the population was so poor in our neighborhood, stores locked up strange stuff that was highly coveted and shoplifted.  I have never seen the same sort of lock up that I saw there.  Once, in one of the discount grocery stores, they had three items locked up together in the display case in front of the store.  You had to ask a checker to grab these items for you, much like cigarettes in my current neighborhood.  The items?  Condoms, pregnancy tests, and baby formula.  I laughed for hours over this one.  You don't have money so you need to shoplift some condoms because, "no glove means no love."  Unfortunately, you couldn't steal them, so now your girlfriend is late.  Too bad, you can't shoplift your pregnancy test either.  Nine months later, you can't shoplift the formula for the baby you didn't know was coming cause the pregnancy tests were locked up, so I guess you'll have to breastfeed...  Hoorah!!!  It was just so weird!  Incidentally, diapers and other baby care items weren't locked up - just formula.  However, I was sort of pleased the entire reproductive lifespan was represented!

I had totally forgotten this experience until yesterday.  We were driving home from seeing Once (please don't waste your time on this crapfest!) when we stopped at my favorite gas station in Tremonton, UT.  What do they have locked up?  Not Pringles, or chocolate bridge mix, or even Diet Dr. Pepper!  Nope, feast your eyes on this!

I have three questions:

     1.  What in the Provo (my personal swear word) are these doing in a gas station?!

     2.  Why would anyone buy these hideous monsters, let alone shoplift them?!

     3.  Where is the Provo Diet Dr. Pepper?!

My how my circumstances have changed!