Lay Off That Show!

When I'm stuck at the hospital overnight, I like to watch Forensic Files.  From 1 to 4 AM, they play an episode every thirty minutes - sheer heaven!  Only problem is, I get scared from watching all that murder.  The bed I sleep in is behind a door I lock, and that door is behind a second door with an electronic lock to which only a few people have access.  Not even the house supervisor can open the outer door!  I know this because I locked my shoes and other belongings inside one night and had to wander around in my stocking feet until we found another provider in the hospital with the proper badge!

Despite knowing that only a few people could come in and murder me while I'm watching other people get murdered on Forensic Files, and despite knowing that those few people would NEVER murder me because my life ain't worth the jail time, I still insist on spending 1 to 4 AM at the hospital being completely freaked out by that stupid show!

Even though I get plenty spooked in Rexburg on a regular basis, guess who just put Season Two of their show on Netflix:

Yep.  And because I never like to leave a season hanging, I've spent the last 2 weeks spooking myself every night in my own home.  Know what else I've done every night for 2 weeks?  Driven my lover nearly to drink!  How?  Observe:

                         Day one

Me, speaking to Jared:  "please don't murder me for my 1 million dollar life insurance policy.  If you want money, I'll get it for you.  Just don't murder me."

Jared:  "Do you have a million dollar life insurance policy?"

Me:  "No, but don't murder me."

Jared (somewhat amused):  "I'll try to control my urges."

                         Day 5

Me, speaking to Jared:  "please don't murder me so you can run off with your girlfriend.  If you want out, just tell me.  I'll give you a divorce so you can live your new life.  Just don't murder me!"

Jared:  "I don't have a girlfriend.  I'm in love with you."  

Me:  "just don't murder me!"

Jared (exasperated) "ok."

                         Day 12

Me, to Jared:  "please don't murder me when I find your gay porn stash and for my 2 million dollar life insurance policy to pay for your kids from another marriage!"

Jared:  "do you have a 2 million dollar life insurance policy?"

Me:  "no, but if you like gay porn just tell me!  I'll let you out of our marriage!  it's not worth murdering me for!"

Jared (voice slightly raised cause the guy won't yell at me):  "will you please stop watching that show?!"

Before you take Jared's side on this, notice that he didn't deny that he had a gay porn stash or kids from another marriage.  DO YOU THINK HE'S GOING TO MURDER ME?!