Jared was diagnosed with sleep apnea about 10 years ago. Prior to the diagnosis, he had an epic snoring problem which was loud and often unsettling. I had my suspicions for several years, but I was grateful to finally have the diagnosis which provided the explanation for his terrible problem as well as a way to fix it. We also began our sexy nightly ritual which I mentioned previously, and which proceeds thusly:
1. We climb into bed and exactly 20 seconds later, our legs are entwined, I begin watching zit popping vids on YouTube, and Jared begins snoring
2. I continue watching vids, listening to a Podcast, or reading (because I have horrible insomnia), and Jared continues snoring...LOUDLY
3. I spend the next hour trying to get Jared to put his sleep apnea mask on so I can adequately hear zits popping, while he spends the hour telling me in between snores that he can't snuggle properly with his mask in place
4. Another hour passes with Jared's snoring becoming more loud and consistent, while I become more loud and persistent with my begging, pleading, and elbowing, so he'll put on that damn mask
5. The mask finally goes on, the snoring stops, and Jared rolls over with his back facing me
6. I spend the remainder of my night listening to Jared leak farts while trying to keep his gas off my legs. As a side note, they are soft little "pop" noises that are WAY better than listening to his snoring
I have no proof, but I secretly think the air forced into his nose by the apnea machine must make him slowly leak out the other end. Regardless of the physiology, he is sexy, he is all mine, and I'm sure every lady (and some men) reading this is jealous of my racy life. If you need further proof of how great he is, check it:
Did you steal that pic from a Playgirl magazine. No one can be that sexy in real life.
ReplyDeleteIt's a tough life but I live it with grace...
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