No More Worries...

I now have a place to live in Rhode Island!  I get to occupy a furnished two bedroom apartment on the second floor of this bad boy:

I mailed the deposit check yesterday to a lady named Gail who signs her emails "God bless."  I took that as a good sign that she probably has good intentions towards me, though I have considered she's faking a love of God to make me feel comfy so that she can more easily perpetrate evil against me.  Because I found this place on Craigslist, I figured my new living situation had three possible scenarios that could play out:

1.  Things will be fine

2.  It's a scam and I can kiss my deposit goodbye and I'll have no place to live when I arrive in Rhode Island

3.  It's an elaborate hoax to lure unsuspecting women like me to the second floor apartment so that Gail's "son" who lives downstairs can rape and/or murder me

I'm just so relieved to have a place to stay that I almost don't care if the last 2 scenarios play out because at least I can stop worrying about accommodations for a while.  Besides, I already have a plan for dealing with number three; I'm going to drag a heavy piece of furniture in front of the front door every night so that any would be assassin will make loads of noise, giving me time to call 911.  Given that I'm on the second floor, I'm thinking I only have to worry about one point of entrance since I'm hoping the "son" downstairs will be too lazy to grab a ladder out of the shed in order to climb through my windows to violate my body.

Given that I'm a thorough worrier, I have also considered that number three might not even come up for the following reasons:

1.  I am not a young woman with a tight booty and big titties

2.  I am not a college kid

3.  I am not a runner (trust me on this.  I watch a lot of forensic files and loads of runners get snatched off of nature trails)

4.  I am not a waitress or a bartender

Do not even try to convince me that anyone can be a victim of a violent crime.  Again, I have logged too many hours watching Forensic Files and I know this list is scientific, exhaustive, and infallible.  Plus, you're more likely to be raped or murdered by someone you know and everyone I know will be 2,500 miles away from me.

Yep.  It feels good to know your place in this world and to have a plan.  If you're in the Providence area, come visit me, I have a bedroom for you.  However, as a guest you get to drag the furniture in front of the door before we go to sleep...